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marval

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marval

Not Not Those

A woman walked into a department store looking for some Christmas lights. The assistant showed her their top brand. The woman wanted to make sure each bulb worked. So she asked him to take them out of...
17:50 Sat 22nd Dec 20181 answer, last by marval 17:50 Sat 22nd Dec 2018
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marval

Christmas Office Rules

To All Employees From Management Subject Office conduct during the Christmas season Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal...
17:55 Fri 21st Dec 20184 answers, last by Mamyalynne 18:00 Fri 21st Dec 2018
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marval

Another Parrot

The police dispatcher picks up the phone and writes down the call for help. "Please send someone urgently, a cat has broken in!" The police dispatcher responded, "Sir, I don't think I heard you...
17:31 Mon 17th Dec 20185 answers, last by Tilly2 16:07 Tue 18th Dec 2018
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marval

Can I Have?

I went to a posh restaurant last night. The food was really good but there was some left over. I asked the waiter if I could have a doggy bag. He agreed and took everything away. A little while later...
23:44 Wed 12th Dec 20186 answers, last by jno 02:56 Thu 13th Dec 2018
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marval

Every Time

Every time I use my phone my ear gets wet. I think it’s been tapped. I was meant to catch up with an old Kenyan friend today. But even at sixty, he was still too fast. I shouted abuse at some cows...
18:45 Mon 10th Dec 20187 answers, last by Patsy33 20:19 Mon 10th Dec 2018
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marval

Last Night

Last night my friend complained he was addicted to weight training. I told him to stay strong. I was trying to figure out what number multiplied by itself equalled 64, but I couldn’t get to the root...
23:17 Sat 08th Dec 20183 answers, last by Patsy33 12:59 Sun 09th Dec 2018
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marval

I Have Just Opened

I have just opened an off licence. Technically, it is breaking and entering but I needed a drink. A pretty woman at the job centre said she’d like to offer me a tug job. So I dropped my pants there...
18:16 Thu 06th Dec 201816 answers, last by Old_Geezer 09:47 Fri 07th Dec 2018
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marval

My Partner

My partner and I were arguing over who got to eat the last gherkin, what a pickle. I was on the net earlier. I now have a life ban from my local Tennis Club. I went to the opticians today. It was a...
23:58 Sun 02nd Dec 20189 answers, last by marval 00:25 Mon 03rd Dec 2018
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marval

I Have Got

I have got myself a flash motor. A police speed camera van. To maintain my standards I spend at least two hours a day working out. I am not in good shape or anything, I am just really bad at maths. I...
23:43 Thu 29th Nov 20182 answers, last by sakshirathor12 13:30 Sat 01st Dec 2018
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marval

Royal Mail

I like this story, well done Royal mail. https://news.sky.com/story/royal-mail-avoids-galactic-objects-to-deliver-boys-card-to-dad-in-heaven-11566683...
23:16 Thu 29th Nov 201820 answers, last by hereIam 16:07 Fri 30th Nov 2018
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marval

Great Canal Journeys

Don't forget folks that Great Canal Journeys is on at 7pm tonight. I really like this programme....
19:19 Sun 18th Nov 20183 answers, last by pastafreak 23:59 Sun 18th Nov 2018
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marval

I Almost Won

I almost won the final of the “Don’t take off your blindfold” Olympics, but I peaked too soon. I was going to tell a joke about a silver nugget, a lump of iron and piece of coal walking into a...
21:27 Sat 17th Nov 20181 answer, last by Patsy33 10:25 Sun 18th Nov 2018
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marval

Rip Richard Baker

Have just found out that the former news reader Richard Baker has died. I always thought he read the news very well. RIP Richard. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-46246049...
15:43 Sat 17th Nov 201815 answers, last by david small 23:48 Sat 17th Nov 2018
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marval

My Friend And I

My friend and I had a heated argument with some random blokes about which console was the most entertaining. Wii won in the end. I have finally found out how to drive around corners. It has been a...
15:26 Sat 17th Nov 20188 answers, last by zebo 21:29 Sat 17th Nov 2018
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marval

My Dad

My Dad is a Traffic Warden. For my birthday he gave me a “Stop” sign, a wheel clamp and a red traffic light. I asked for a stationery set....
00:16 Tue 13th Nov 20185 answers, last by tonyav 00:48 Tue 13th Nov 2018
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marval

I Was

I was in a relationship with an apostrophe. Sadly we had to break up. He was too possessive....
00:01 Thu 08th Nov 201814 answers, last by zebo 21:27 Thu 08th Nov 2018
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marval

Lost Search

I bought my dog a new ‘anti-ageing’ dog lead. He’s got a new leash of life. My doctor told me I have got Puzzle Disease. Apparently I’m riddled with it. I just made an apple and blackberry...
15:18 Sun 04th Nov 20184 answers, last by BANANASPLITS 18:42 Sun 04th Nov 2018
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marval

I Dreamt

I dreamt I was being eaten by a cat last night. It must have been Freddy Cougar....
22:51 Thu 01st Nov 201814 answers, last by Zacs-Master 23:30 Thu 01st Nov 2018
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marval

Flying

I got absolutely hammered and spent two hours flying a helicopter last night. Then I ran out of 50p’s I used to work as a mathematical lumberjack. My timing was out though, I used the wrong...
23:32 Mon 29th Oct 20186 answers, last by tonyav 23:43 Mon 29th Oct 2018
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marval

Lidl

Lidl are said to be extremely worried about the release of M&S Value products. They say it might affect the sales of their premium range....
21:57 Fri 26th Oct 20183 answers, last by Tilly2 19:43 Sat 27th Oct 2018

321 to 340 of 3998

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