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marval

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marval

I Paid

I paid a woman to pose as my girlfriend at a social gathering. On our way home I got a bit touchy and she pulled a gun on me. Who would have thought it, an armed escort. There are two things at life...
22:11 Mon 03rd Sep 20182 answers, last by Patsy33 12:02 Tue 04th Sep 2018
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marval

My Nan

My Nan always carries a bowl in her handbag full of vodka, lemonade and fruit. Woe betide anyone who tries to take it from her. She doesn’t half pack a punch....
15:00 Sat 01st Sep 20181 answer, last by Patsy33 17:36 Sat 01st Sep 2018
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marval

My Partner

My partner asked me if I fancied some role play last night. Afterwards we juggled with baguettes. Yesterday I rode my bike twice, I guess that makes me a recycler. Last week my car broke down, so I...
22:36 Tue 28th Aug 20182 answers, last by Patsy33 11:35 Wed 29th Aug 2018
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marval

Suffering

A woman spent thirty five years working for NatWest bank. She was recently made redundant and hasn’t coped very well. She now spends her days outside the branch using the ATM over and over again....
18:29 Tue 28th Aug 20187 answers, last by Ken4155 07:25 Wed 29th Aug 2018
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marval

Bidding

I am currently stuck at an auction bidding for a house with a lengthy corridor. I am in it for the long hall. I pulled a hamstring earlier, cheese string was furious. I emailed my boss my annual sales...
20:05 Sun 26th Aug 20181 answer, last by Shaglene 16:19 Tue 28th Aug 2018
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marval

A Racehorse

A racehorse goes into a bar. The bouncer says, “You can’t come in here with those trainers.” I looked out my window this morning and saw a few flakes falling. I thought, “That guy in the flat...
23:08 Wed 22nd Aug 20183 answers, last by Patsy33 12:29 Thu 23rd Aug 2018
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marval

Road Trip

I was going on a road trip with my two mates both called Tom. When I got into the car I said “I take it you know where we’re going?” I bought a new carpet cleaner which removes 99% of stains....
17:49 Mon 20th Aug 20185 answers, last by Chipchopper 17:56 Tue 21st Aug 2018
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marval

All Day

I have spent all day working on my car, it only had reverse gear, I still don’t know why. I am still no further forward. Does anyone know where Concentrate is? I’ve been drinking this lovely...
15:58 Sat 18th Aug 20182 answers, last by zebo 13:42 Mon 20th Aug 2018
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marval

My Brother

My brother is jealous that my handwriting is so much better than his, I think it is just scribbling rivalry. I am sure I saw the Hunchback of Notre Dame this morning. If it wasn’t him, it was a dead...
21:26 Wed 15th Aug 20185 answers, last by Shaglene 10:51 Thu 16th Aug 2018
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marval

Trouble

I have been having some trouble with my server today, he still refuses to bring me my slippers. The abominable snowman could easily have defeated the Loch Ness monster. Yeti didn’t. I went to the...
18:29 Sun 12th Aug 20181 answer, last by LochNessMonster 14:05 Mon 13th Aug 2018
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marval

Problem

My partner is in a right mood because I have filled the bathroom in our new house with bonsai plants. I don’t know what her problem is. She said to “go out and get toilet trees”....
23:13 Fri 10th Aug 20184 answers, last by Spicerack 23:47 Fri 10th Aug 2018
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Picnic

I had a Picnic with the wife and kids earlier. Times are hard when you have to share a chocolate bar between five people....
15:49 Wed 08th Aug 201810 answers, last by zebo 18:18 Thu 09th Aug 2018
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marval

Welcome Home Boo

I wander what this cat has been doing for the last thirteen years. What a surprise for her owner. https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/6966328/cat-returns-home-after-missing-for-13-years/...
15:15 Wed 08th Aug 201812 answers, last by Patsy33 17:44 Wed 08th Aug 2018
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Pat And Mick

Pat and Mick, came from Ireland to Liverpool, and their mother said before they left “If you get in one of them big black taxis only pay the fare on the meter.” When they arrived in Liverpool they...
21:43 Tue 07th Aug 20182 answers, last by Shaglene 12:17 Wed 08th Aug 2018
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Just Got Home

I have just got home and found my wife waiting for me in just knee-high leather boots and a tiny g-string. Needless to say I’m going to be busy all afternoon, it will take me ages to retune my...
23:17 Mon 06th Aug 20185 answers, last by Shaglene 08:10 Tue 07th Aug 2018
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Council Meeting

At the Council meeting last night, the Highways Department tried to get them to fit Average Speed Cameras all along the main road. The Council Leader stood up and said. “We will not fit average...
17:42 Sun 05th Aug 20189 answers, last by Chipchopper 19:50 Sun 05th Aug 2018
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Funeral

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral. This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?" “Of course” she says. The man stands up and says "Plethora." The man’s wife says “Thank...
16:39 Sat 04th Aug 20183 answers, last by Hopkirk 17:26 Sun 05th Aug 2018
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I Went To

I went to a restaurant that served endangered species and ordered a Panda steak. The waiter asked, “How would you like that sir?” I said, “Rare.” I called the reception at the dentist to...
22:06 Fri 03rd Aug 20183 answers, last by Shaglene 09:11 Sun 05th Aug 2018
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marval

Problem

After spending hours skipping through fields of flowers. I am now forced to admit I have a gambolling problem....
22:24 Thu 02nd Aug 20186 answers, last by Chipchopper 20:24 Fri 03rd Aug 2018
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I Think

I think I might have gone a bit overboard with the vinegar on my chips last night. The casino owner didn’t seem too happy....
19:08 Thu 02nd Aug 20184 answers, last by Voltage 19:52 Thu 02nd Aug 2018

361 to 380 of 3998

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