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marval

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marval

My Brother

My brother has just been admitted to hospital after eating an entire CCTV camera. He’s being closely monitored. Police are looking for the owner of stolen prosthetic leg. They are asking anyone with...
19:30 Sat 16th Jun 20182 answers, last by Shaglene 14:48 Sat 30th Jun 2018
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marval

Be Here

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules. "I will be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any...
16:50 Fri 15th Jun 20181 answer, last by bookbinder 20:26 Fri 15th Jun 2018
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marval

Coincidence?

A married couple went out for a Chinese meal. After finishing their food, they were given a fortune cookie each. The wife opened hers and read, “Be quiet for a little while.” The husband opened...
17:55 Tue 12th Jun 2018
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marval

No Wonder

No wonder formula 1 drivers have so many points at the end of the season. Have you seen how fast they drive? Why can Nessie open any door? She is a loch’s myth. The landlord collapsed while I was...
16:52 Mon 11th Jun 20184 answers, last by LochNessMonster 14:08 Tue 12th Jun 2018
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marval

My Doctor

I phoned my doctor this morning. I said, “Every time I talk to somebody I make wild animal noises and I try to encourage them to make the same noise.” He said, “Okay, can you bear with me...
15:01 Mon 11th Jun 20182 answers, last by Shaglene 15:20 Tue 12th Jun 2018
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marval

Sailing

I sailed my old boat out to sea this afternoon and did 17 knots in her. Surely there’s an easier way to tie your laces. I went to selfridges yesterday, it was pretty good. I sold nine of them. I...
18:45 Wed 06th Jun 20183 answers, last by Patsy33 21:02 Wed 06th Jun 2018
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marval

Fat Free

A man read a restaurant sign that advertised fat free French fries. “Sounds great”, said the health- conscious man. So he went in and ordered some. He watched as the cook pulled a basket of fries...
22:30 Mon 04th Jun 20183 answers, last by Chipchopper 23:30 Mon 04th Jun 2018
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marval

My Daughter

My daughter wants to name her Rabbit Flopsy. I thought to myself, that’s an odd name for a vibrator. I have a Husky voice. I was raised by dogs in Alaska. Or local hospital staff are angry over...
17:28 Sun 03rd Jun 20183 answers, last by catcuddler 23:14 Mon 04th Jun 2018
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marval

Would You Eat This?

A pack belonging to a WW1 soldier, has been found. It includes some bars of chocolate. Would you be willing to try one?...
17:22 Sat 02nd Jun 201827 answers, last by roopower 20:21 Sun 03rd Jun 2018
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marval

Be Careful What You Say

A married man left work early one Friday afternoon. Instead of going home, however, he spent the weekend (and his money) partying with the boys. When he finally returned home on Sunday night, his wife...
16:09 Sat 02nd Jun 20182 answers, last by marval 21:38 Sat 02nd Jun 2018
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marval

Last Night

Last night in the pub someone spiked my drink with anesthetic I think it was a local. I have just been to see a film called The Contortionist It had an unbelievable twist at the end. I was at the...
22:55 Fri 01st Jun 20183 answers, last by Shaglene 10:18 Sun 03rd Jun 2018
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marval

What Were The Owners Thinking?

I cannot understand how animal lovers can let their pets get so unhealthily fat. Surely they can say no....
22:16 Thu 31st May 20187 answers, last by JellyCookies 13:33 Tue 14th Aug 2018
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marval

A Seminar

I have just been to a seminar discussing mythical Welsh creatures. It didn’t half drag on. I applied for a job as a psychic once. It was a short interview; all they asked was “Where do you see...
19:00 Wed 30th May 20185 answers, last by marval 17:42 Fri 01st Jun 2018
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marval

Hide And Seek

There is a hide-and-seek game organisation, the president disappeared and hasn’t been found yet. Someone stole my spine while I was sleeping, but I’ll get my own back. I am serving very well at my...
19:25 Mon 28th May 20182 answers, last by Patsy33 19:50 Mon 28th May 2018
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marval

My Friend

My friend went to a camouflage exhibition yesterday. I will have to ask him how he found it. I don’t see the point in big, ugly animals with wide mouths and stubby legs. I think I am just...
17:44 Sun 27th May 20185 answers, last by marval 18:34 Mon 28th May 2018
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I Have Seen

I have just seen a gypsy selling Clocks and Watches from an old 1950’s style police box, I think he’s a Time Traveller. I had a dream last night that I went on holiday with a load of bananas, I...
15:58 Sat 26th May 20181 answer, last by Patsy33 17:52 Sat 26th May 2018
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marval

Arrested

I got arrested the other day. I was walking down the street with a desk on my back and carrying a filing cabinet. A policeman approached me and asked what I was doing. All I said was. “I’m...
14:56 Sat 26th May 20185 answers, last by Patsy33 19:48 Sat 26th May 2018
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marval

Men In Armour

I saw some men in armour, sketching a pub just as it was getting dark. I couldn’t help thinking, “The knights are drawing inn”. I have just seen a job advert in the paper for a 7.5 tonne driver....
18:49 Fri 25th May 20181 answer, last by Patsy33 18:59 Fri 25th May 2018
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marval

More Camels

As US tourists in Israel, Morris and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales...
22:07 Thu 24th May 20185 answers, last by marval 16:42 Fri 25th May 2018
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marval

What, All Of It?

One fine morning back in old Dodge City, Chester the deputy woke up with a huge erection. Not knowing what to do, he yelled, "Marshal Dillon! Marshal Dillon! I woke up with a hard on and don't know...
18:52 Thu 24th May 20183 answers, last by Patsy33 19:40 Thu 24th May 2018

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