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marval

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marval

Wicker Basket

My partner gave me a wicker basket full of cold meats, sandwiches, fruit cake and crockery and told me to take it to the car. I couldn’t do it, I was hampered. Went to visit my Gran the other day...
18:36 Wed 02nd May 20184 answers, last by Shaglene 20:28 Thu 03rd May 2018
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marval

I Once Stole

I once stole an accupuncturist’s pins, needleless to say he wasn’t happy. The social network for Graffiti Artists is called Defacebook. I had to write an accounts report for Sampsonite. It was a...
22:27 Tue 01st May 20184 answers, last by Chipchopper 07:59 Wed 02nd May 2018
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marval

My Boyfriend

My New Zealand boyfriend said that he was falling in love with my rubbish puns, so I asked him to maori me. When Life gives you lemons, be grateful for the gift from your unusually named grocer. The...
23:20 Mon 30th Apr 20186 answers, last by spathiphyllum 15:30 Tue 01st May 2018
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marval

I Was Terrible

I was never one to make a scene. Which is probably why I was a terrible playwright. I’ve just climbed to the top of a mountain, it gave me summit to do. An electrician was arrested after a brawl in...
16:58 Sun 29th Apr 20186 answers, last by Shaglene 19:39 Mon 30th Apr 2018
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marval

Always Told

People have always told me I would end up working in Tesco. I must have believed it, because now I do. My mate says it’s a shelf-for-filling prophecy....
14:14 Sun 29th Apr 20181 answer, last by Patsy33 14:49 Sun 29th Apr 2018
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marval

Renting

I was renting my house from a family of herbs. I missed a few payments and they sent the bay leafs round....
22:36 Sat 28th Apr 201815 answers, last by Shaglene 10:40 Sun 29th Apr 2018
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marval

I Took

I took my boots to the cobbler. I said “I want these soled please.” I went back the next day, he gave me 10pounds. He said “I have sold them for you.”...
20:51 Fri 27th Apr 20189 answers, last by bookbinder 17:38 Sat 28th Apr 2018
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marval

I Once Tried

I once tried to be a fish farmer. It was a complete disaster though. I think I planted them too early. A man who lives down the road from me was selling his car, he said he wanted 800 pounds for it or...
17:44 Fri 27th Apr 20186 answers, last by Shaglene 10:05 Sat 28th Apr 2018
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marval

I Took

I took my new partner to an exhibition at the Tate. He pointed to a pot and said “That’s an Imported Mycenaean stirrup vase found in the acropolis of Ras Shamra.” I thought “That’s an arty...
22:06 Thu 26th Apr 20183 answers, last by Patsy33 12:53 Fri 27th Apr 2018
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marval

Shopping

I have just been shopping at Farmfoods, got three bales of hay and a bucket of pig swill. I have started a newspaper solely based around ice cream, I’ve just had my first scoop. Seven pirates and a...
19:02 Thu 26th Apr 20185 answers, last by Shaglene 14:58 Fri 27th Apr 2018
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marval

News

In Fairytale News: The Pied Piper has 12 rats behind him. More to follow. I was round at my friend’s house for his annual fancy dress party last night. Next year I am going to go as a triangle I...
21:29 Wed 25th Apr 20187 answers, last by Chipchopper 12:04 Thu 26th Apr 2018
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marval

More Adventure

My partner said to me this morning that he would like a bit more adventure in the bedroom. He is going to be well happy when he gets home later. I have put up an abseiling wall and a zip-line coming...
21:48 Mon 23rd Apr 201812 answers, last by DTCwordfan 19:23 Tue 24th Apr 2018
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marval

Bad Choice

My neighbour has just delivered twin boys. She unfortunately let her dopey husband name them. She is regretting that decision. After a good telling off, he has now realised that Pete and Repeat...
18:33 Mon 23rd Apr 20182 answers, last by Patsy33 19:49 Mon 23rd Apr 2018
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marval

Outbid

I was outbid 10p for a settee on ebay. So close, yet sofa. I baked a meat pie the other day and then travelled with it to Milton Keynes, Birmingham and Lambeth, because my old maths teacher always...
20:49 Sun 22nd Apr 20183 answers, last by marval 22:32 Sun 22nd Apr 2018
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marval

A Pint

A man walks into a pub and orders himself a pint. He notices Vincent Van Gogh is sitting on the next barstool. He asks him if he wants a pint, too. “No thanks,” replies Vincent. “I’ve got one...
20:22 Sun 22nd Apr 20184 answers, last by Patsy33 21:22 Sun 22nd Apr 2018
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marval

I Moved

I moved my Tomato Ketchup company from England to India. It’s called out-saucing. I saw something fly past wearing rosary beads earlier. ‘That must be a bird of pray’, I thought. You can imagine...
21:44 Fri 20th Apr 20181 answer, last by Patsy33 21:53 Fri 20th Apr 2018
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marval

A Applied

I applied for a place at the fishermans school of excellence last week. Unfortunately it was refused. They said I was in the wrong catchment area....
20:12 Thu 19th Apr 201810 answers, last by marval 20:49 Thu 19th Apr 2018
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marval

I Took

I took my daughter for a ride on the carousel today. The staff at Heathrow Airport were outraged. A policeman pulled me over earlier, he asked me if my car had been checked. I told him no, it had...
17:19 Thu 19th Apr 20183 answers, last by Shaglene 15:29 Sun 22nd Apr 2018
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marval

I Am

I am writing a book on Indian curries. Its naan-fiction. I stand accused of unleashing a sleep-inducing gas in a courtroom. The jury’s still out. On Friday nights, instead of going to clubs, my...
18:44 Wed 18th Apr 20187 answers, last by Shaglene 15:21 Sun 22nd Apr 2018
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marval

I Found

I found a leaflet on contraception. It was stapled to the middle of my newspaper today. It was a pull-out special....
22:01 Tue 17th Apr 20185 answers, last by 10ClarionSt 22:30 Tue 17th Apr 2018

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