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marval

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marval

My Granddad

My Granddad used to tell me that there was a secret code that would make an egg open itself. He said, “All you have to do is crack it” Saw a sign saying “Free Range Eggs” earlier. Never heard...
17:41 Sun 28th Apr 20194 answers, last by Canary42 14:22 Mon 29th Apr 2019
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marval

Submitted

I have submitted a quote to completely refurbish Gracelands. I don’t know if I will win the contract but they did love me tender . I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall. Then I thought,...
19:02 Sat 27th Apr 20193 answers, last by zebo 14:57 Sun 28th Apr 2019
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marval

Guide Dog

This is a lovely story, proving that guide dogs are not just for humans. https://news.sky.com/story/blind-staffie-amos-has-own-guide-dog-who-never-leaves-his-side-11702946...
18:10 Fri 26th Apr 201914 answers, last by wolf63 04:40 Sat 27th Apr 2019
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marval

Driving To Work

I was driving to work today, and got stuck behind an old horsebox with a wonky wheel. I thought “That doesn’t look stable” A man goes into a library and asks, “Have you got The Grapes of...
22:06 Wed 24th Apr 20192 answers, last by tonyav 22:14 Wed 24th Apr 2019
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I Am

Jane began a job as an elementary school counsellor and she was eager to help. One day during a break she noticed a boy standing by himself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids...
18:31 Tue 23rd Apr 20197 answers, last by Patsy33 19:32 Wed 24th Apr 2019
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Oops

A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the results. Some time later an orderly appeared and handed the man a large pill. Just then a mother with a small child...
20:04 Wed 17th Apr 20193 answers, last by Togo 20:31 Wed 17th Apr 2019
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My Old Teacher

My old teacher was incredible at history. He knew the date of every battle, the wife of every king, the winner of every war. Shame he taught Biology. A female police officer used a taser gun on me...
18:56 Sun 14th Apr 20193 answers, last by JimF 19:21 Sun 14th Apr 2019
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Boxing Match

I have just had a boxing match with a Star Wars character. I won, Han’s down. I came up with a great letter-based joke. My mate reckons I should post it. I thought I had run out of kitchen towel...
18:59 Wed 10th Apr 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 21:49 Wed 10th Apr 2019
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marval

Topless

I went to a topless bar last night. It doesn’t make sense to me. There is nowhere to put your drink down....
18:07 Tue 09th Apr 2019
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marval

At The Zoo

An animal at the zoo was given special recognition after it gave its own life to rescue a child from a fire. It was a hippoposthumous award. I am really not looking forward to having to tell my friend...
22:22 Sun 31st Mar 2019
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marval

Well-Known

A well-known rodeo performer has died in hospital. His death is being blamed on the physiotherapy he was receiving. Fans have got together and released a tribute song "Physio killed the rodeo star."...
20:39 Sat 30th Mar 20192 answers, last by maggiebee 10:17 Fri 05th Apr 2019
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I Have

I have become a millionaire from gardening, but I will never forget my roots I have been down on my luck recently and ended up living in the windmill at a crazy golf course. The owner keeps trying to...
19:46 Wed 27th Mar 20192 answers, last by tonyav 23:00 Wed 27th Mar 2019
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Nail Biting

I have to stop biting my nails. I am running out of things to hang my pictures with. My partner brought home thirty knickerbocker glories. I will never eat those in a month of sundaes. I lost my...
17:46 Sun 24th Mar 20192 answers, last by DTCwordfan 19:11 Mon 25th Mar 2019
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I Gave

I gave an ant a 7UP bottle lid to use as a boat to sail across a puddle. It’s Cap-sized. I have met this man, but he won’t get with me because of my obsession with Blondie. I’ll get him one way...
15:17 Fri 22nd Mar 20194 answers, last by Spicerack 13:00 Sat 23rd Mar 2019
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marval

Holby

Don't forget Holby is on tonight as well. Just in case anyone wasn't sure.
19:26 Wed 20th Mar 20191 answer, last by gingejbee 20:42 Wed 20th Mar 2019
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Who Has Been In My Shed?

I like this story, I wonder if they would come and tidy our garage up? https://news.sky.com/story/mouse-proud-rodent-seen-tidying-up-tools-in-garden-shed-in-south-gloucestershire-11670747...
16:54 Wed 20th Mar 201913 answers, last by horselady 18:02 Thu 21st Mar 2019
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marval

American British

What Americans call a zucchini the British call a courgette. Where Americans have jelly, Britain has jam. Where Britain has jelly, America has jell-O. But most interesting of all is that Americans...
00:19 Wed 20th Mar 20198 answers, last by Bazile 16:05 Wed 20th Mar 2019
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I Ordered

I ordered an eight inch Cheese and Tomato Pizza from Dominos. I was shocked when it arrived as it was delivered by two midget monks. I phoned Dominos up and said, “What are you doing, having my...
20:22 Sun 17th Mar 20193 answers, last by maggiebee 13:37 Mon 18th Mar 2019
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marval

Round The Bend

My partner is always driving me round the bend. One day he will learn how to use roundabouts properly. I just drank some wkd with ice in it. It was wicked. I’ve recently been buying loads of...
16:47 Sun 17th Mar 20193 answers, last by Patsy33 20:11 Sun 17th Mar 2019
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marval

Which One?

A milk jug says to a sugar bowl “Hey, shall we see which one of us can hold the most coffee?” The sugar bowl says “No way mate, that’s a mug’s game.”...
22:36 Sat 16th Mar 20192 answers, last by Patsy33 22:49 Sat 16th Mar 2019

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