Upon reaching 65, old Tom decided to retire. After having him under foot for a few months, his wife became very agitated with him. She suggested he go and do something to occupy himself, like join a...
Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll...
Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant. Dear milkman I have just had a baby, please leave another one. Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk. Milk is needed for the baby....
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?" "Of course my child. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's...
Little Johnny was playing in his room when his dad walked in and explained that he and his mom were getting a divorce. "Why Daddy?" asked a confused Little Johnny. "Well, son" he explained, "Your...
In Scotland, the most important time for a young lad is when he "comes of age" and is allowed to purchase and wear his first kilt. A couple of weeks before his important birthday, a young lad went to...
A married business executive had to make a trip to Palm Beach alone for his corporation. After a few days, he was enjoying himself so much that he decided to stay another week as part of his vacation....
It was laying limp in my hand. It was very long, kind of thin. I slid it between my fingers until I got to the end of it. I was turning it on. It became firm in my hands, and the end was wet. Then it...
A virile, young Italian soldier was relaxing at his favourite bar in Rome, when he managed to attract a spectacular young blonde. Things progressed to the point where he invited her back to his...
A chicken farmer went to a local bar... sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!" "What a...
Since I was a new patient, I had to fill out an information form for the doctor's files. The nurse reading it over noticed my unusual name. "How do you pronounce it?" she asked. "Na-le-Y-ko," I said,...
A couple leaving a Paris hotel were given a bill for 400 Euros. The man protested to the manager who reminded him that he had a room plus bath. "But I didn't take a bath," said the man. "I can't help...
An expectant father rings the hospital to see how his wife is getting on. By mistake he's connected to Lords cricket ground. "How's it going?" he asks. "Fine.", comes the answer, "We've got three out...
It was entertainment night at the Convention Centre and the assembly room was packed because none other than The Amazing Claude, the world's greatest hypnotist, was heading the evening's...
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise, he finds his wife,...
Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The black Lab turned to the chocolate Lab and said, 'So why are you here?' The chocolate Lab replied, 'I'm...
A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids, all very successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one. "Sorry...
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation. The head nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?" He said, "I heard the...
