A young man took a young woman to an amusement park. They went for a ride on the Ferris wheel. The ride completed, she seemed rather bored. "What would you like to do next?" he asked. "I want to be...
1) This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. 2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. 3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island If you don't have sea all round you, you are...
Three women are having lunch, discussing their husbands. The first says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it. I found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and they weren't mine!" The...
Joe and Dave are hunting when Dave keels over. Frantic, Joe dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?" A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't...
For decades, two heroic nude statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to...
On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired U. S. Marine, and asked, "Honey, do you remember this?" He looked...
A respectable woman went into a chemists shop, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.' The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you...
1. Coffee - The person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted - Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. Abdicate - To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade -...
An Irish man walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and...
Jim invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother couldn't help but notice how lovely Jim's flat mate, Angie, was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the...
A stuck-up lawyer had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have...
He laid her on the table, so white and clean and bare His forehead wet with beads of sweat, he rubbed her here and there He touched her neck and then her breast, then drooling felt her thigh The slit...
"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years ago..." "Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I...
Dear Diary: Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It is fun to cook for Dan. Today I made angel food cake using Watkins Vanilla Extract for extra flavouring. The recipe said,...
A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish. The mayor, a member of his congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner....
In a small country pub, all the patrons became quite used to the pub owners little dog being around the bar, so were quite upset when one day the little dog died. Everyone met to decide how they could...
Sam and Bessie are senior citizens, and Sam has always wanted an expensive pair of alligator cowboy boots. Seeing them on sale one day, he buys a pair and wears them home, asking Bessie, "So, do you...
A traffic officer pulled alongside a speeding car on the motorway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the lady behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his...
Out in the open farming country, there lived a farmer with a hobby. He collected tractors. He had big ones and small ones, red ones and green ones, and everything in between. And of course, all this...
A man is sitting by his car at the side of the road lookng unhappy. A passer-by sees his glum face and asks what the problem is. "I've locked myself out of my car." replies the man. "That's not a...
