"In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so He took the Sabbath off." "Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree." "Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark."...
"Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow." "Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community." "Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help." "For...
"Life groups meet on Wednesday evening at 7:00 PM for food, fun, and fellowwhipping." "Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all...
1. Twenty yards to the Out House by Willie Makit and illustrated by Betty Wont 2. The Yellow River by I.P. Daily 3. Over the mountaintop by Hugo First 4. The Nude Beach by Seymour Hair 5. The Nudist...
When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting. For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the heart stops. For...
Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man. Vegetative propagation is the process by which one individual manufactures another individual by accident....
1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him. 2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot. 3. Dear School: Please excuse John being...
12. Please excuse Burma, she has been sick and under the doctor. 13. Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust. 14. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault. 15. I kept...
1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led...
11. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered...
The following are sentences taken from actual letters received by welfare departments on applications for support: 1. I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I had seven but one died...
The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarise the details of an accident in the fewest possible words. I pulled away from the side of the road,...
1. She has no rigors or shaking chills , but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 3. On the second day the...
15. She is numb from her toes down. 16. While in A&E, she was examined, X-rated and sent home. 17. The skin was moist and dry. 18. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 19. Patient was alert and...
One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all...
Want to know what the person is really like behind those "nice" descriptions in Singles Ads? Here are some translations. Dandy little house keeper She has been married three times and kept all the...
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all...
Man: Haven't I seen you somewhere before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman:...
Dear (person being rejected's name here____), I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as my Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly...
A 75-year-old man went to his doctor's office for a sperm count test. The doctor gave the man a jar, told him to take it home and return the next day with a sample. The next day, the 75-year-old man...
