Will was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whisky. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whisky curled...
Terry Markland and his friend Ken Stokes left the Royal Navy in 1993 after several years of serving together. They were well used to having a glass or two of ale together at the end of a long working...
V: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables? A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a lamb eat? Leaves and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a kabab is nothing...
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards. The man, who was a priest, said, 'I am...
It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There's clearly room for more wine. A man enters a store and says: "15 litres of wine please." "Did you bring a container for this? " "You're...
A drunk sitting at a bar observes a very snobby woman participating in a wine tasting contest. She was very good at identifying the wine. At the first taste she says: "Cabernet Sauvignon, 1998" and...
A married couple are sitting in the living room, sipping wine. Out of the blue, the wife says, “I love you.” “Is that you, or the wine talking?” asks the husband, surprised by this...
I have just walked past a pub called the Dog Inn. I can’t imagine the shenanigans that go on in their car park. I just rang the emergency services and said, “There’s just been an explosion at...
Reports are coming in of a local hammer being arrested for assault
Apparently , a nail has made an allegation that it was hit over the head , by the hammer ....
Went to hospital this afternoon for a CT scan. Had to have a cannula inserted in my arm. The nurse tried and failed four times. She was a bit flustered. I tried to reassure her stating that her...
I was shopping online and saw a horse that I rather liked. So I clicked “Add to cart.” I have just found a chocolate bar on the side of the road. It was a Drifter. I asked my boss in DFS what he...
A chicken farmer went to a local bar...Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, 'How about that ? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 'What a...
A number of ancient relics acquired by the British Museum are to be returned to their owners. The list includes several Greek statues, lots of Roman armoury, a significant number of Egyptian jewels,...
My Wife said to the doctor "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep, what should I do?"
Doctor: "Give him a chance to speak when he's awake."...