Quizzes & Puzzles0 min ago
When my wife is feeling low I let her colour in my tattoos.
She just needs a shoulder to crayon....
A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, "Can I have a mouse trap, please? And will you be quick, I've a bus to catch."
"Sorry, maam," said the assistant, "we don't sell them that big!"...
I wouldn't say the room was small but when I talked to myself, one of us had to step outside to reply. I said to the wife, 'I wish you wouldn't smoke in bed.' She said, 'But a lot of women do.' I...
At a job interview the manager said he was looking for a responsible person.
I told him that in my last job, whenever things went wrong, they told me I was responsible....
My neighbour was so upset when he looked out of his window, to discover that someone came along during the night and stole his new-laid lawn.
I tried to console him, but he was looking forlorn....
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a...
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I was in In a posh restaurant.
Me: "Excuse me but what is the 'Pulverised grain and fermentation fungus calorified over a charged-particle heat source?"
Waiter: 'Toast'...
I have a terrible fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them. "Hey, show us yer tits, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the...
There are four engineers traveling in a car, a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. "Sounds to me as if the pistons have...
I had a problem with my computer yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11 year old kid next door. Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, I called after him, "So,...
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.
I thought, that's aboriginal....
Why was the chicken under arrest? The police officer suspected fowl play. How did the chicken make sure it was awake on time? It used an alarm cluck. What's the best way to learn about chickens? Read...
Uncle Ben has died.
No more Mr Rice Guy...
The Smiths were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to the UK from the USA . They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a...
Two businessmen in a shopping centre were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new shop. As yet, the shop wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up. One said to the other, "I bet any minute...
Paddy and Mick find three hand grenades and decide to take them to the Police station.
Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy:"We'll say we only found two!"...
Finding your lost luggage at the airport should be easy. However, that's not the case. __________ I've been asked to join a swingers club, but I'm a little nervous. I haven't been on a swing since I...
I asked the butcher for some tripe.
He gave me a box set of ‘Love Island’...
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