Will Starmer - If He Wins - Be A Part...
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It was tough trying to make ends meet, when I was a child, I remember me ma would hobble down the cobbles, just before the butchers shop was about to close and ask the butcher for a goats head to make...
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A traveller was stumbling through the desert, desperate for water, when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old peddler...
When growing up as a kid all I wanted was a cowboy outfit...
Now I work for one......
At the Olympic games a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole. "Are you a pole vaulter?"
"No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"...
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to tell him the most frightening experience he had ever had. The old explorer...
This blonde runs off the road in her BMW into a tree bumping her head getting a slight concussion. All of a sudden she yells out, "Help! I can't see! Please Help me I am blind! Help!" This paramedic...
A dog with one of his feet in plaster , swaggers - John Wayne style - into a saloon in the old Wild West . He goes up to the bar and says- '' barman ,whisky , neat please '' He downs it in one , slam...
Took my girlfriend to an orchard in Somerset for her birthday. Turns out that wasn’t the apple watch she’d wanted. ______________ Whenever I play golf, I always take two pairs of trousers. Just in...
Just want to let everyone know I am in hospital and they are keeping me in, I have only poisoned myself, what I thought was an onion turned out to be a daffodil bulb. They said I should be out...
One of my friends can’t afford to pay her water bill- so I sent her a get well soon card....
Conversation between husband and wife: ----------------------------------------------------- WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not...
A man and his wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible." "You're...
It was tough as a kid growing up in the ghetto. I clearly remember asking my dad why the ice cream man played a tune every time he came to the neighbourhood in his van. Pa said it's to let folks know...
My dad used to let me put my pocket money in a special box under the stairs...... I was fifteen when I found out it was the gas meter. ______________ I've just opened a new account at the Bank of...
When my wife quit work to take care of our new baby daughter, countless hours of peek-a-boo and other games slowly took their toll. One evening my wife smacked her bare toes on the corner of a dresser...
Quasimodo is running down the street being chased by a crowd of kids.
"*** off!" Shouts Quasimodo. "I'm not hiding your bloody football."...
The condemned man was waiting for his execution, when the priest arrived. "My son, I came to bring the word of God to you." "No thanks, Father. I'm going to talk to Him in a little while, personally....
My neighbours bought their son a drum kit last week for his birthday. I went round to see him earlier . What a damn noise he makes too. You'd think he'd never had a drumstick shoved up his ***...
A bloke just offered me forty grand a year to work for him at the brittle bones society… I snapped his hand off! ______________ I asked the lady in Boots for something that would help with my hearing....
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