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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
Underwent neck surgery last year. I haven't looked back since. ___ People who say, "you know what I mean" a lot, are relying far too heavily on my mind reading skills. ___ My wife tells me I can be an...
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1ozzy
.. Echidnas don't enjoy bathing. https://ibb.co/qyZPq8y...
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Rondy
I got thrown out of the staff room at my local Tesco yesterday afternoon. They sked me what I was doing in there. I told them I was on my break. They said but you don't work here. I said I'd just been...
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1ozzy
.. to India https://ibb.co/6J01hsZ...
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Bobbisox1
When God created Adam and Eve, He said to them: I have two gifts to give you - one is to pee standing up and... Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming: M E..! M E..! I want it, please Lord......
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Patsy33
The man who invented the automatic tennis ball serving machine is celebrating his birthday. Many happy returns!
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Rondy
They're making a new reality TV show following a family of sausage dogs driving a taxi. Its called, "Keeping Up With The Car Dachshunds." ___ Went on a cycling date and rode all the way with the front...
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Rondy
At the Fairy Liquid visitor centre, I watch a man turning people way. 'Why are you turning people away?' I asked. He replied....... 'I'm the Deter Gent'! ___ I want to build a career as an artist life...
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Hopkirk
My boss asked me why I only get sick on weekdays. I said it was because of my weakened immune system....
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Rondy
The Pope was having a shower. Although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached...
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Canary42
Wife: I've got blisters from the broom. Husband: Take the car next time....
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Rondy
A man goes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn't had sex with him for 6 months: The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors...
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Canary42
1. I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah - Lorna Rose Treen 2. The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.' - Liz...
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Rondy
I've just sorted out the cleaning rota at the zoo. The lion sweeps tonight. ___ I’ve stained an incisor chewing on a Biro. So I went to a phone shop to get it sorted. Turns out though, they can’t fix...
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Rondy
It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on. All of a...
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Patsy33
I was walking down the road this morning and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a piano. I think it was an orchestrated attack....
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StupidGuy
If fruit could talk, what would be the hardest to make friends with? I personally think the pineapple would be a pretty prickly guy...
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Rondy
A little girl complained to her father, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!" Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you already have a sister!" Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"...
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Rondy
My wife sent me to the supermarket. She said “Get two cartons of milk. If they’ve got carrots, get four.” I came back with four cartons of milk. She asked “Why did you get four cartons of milk?” I...
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Rondy
If you can't stop yourself making maritime puns all day long, sea kelp. ___ I’ve been hanging out at the gym a lot lately. The staff told me I need to get some bigger shorts. ___ Some advice.............

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