I Wonder Why This Number Is Rising So...
Politics1 min ago
A sign in a shoe repair store, "We will heel you, We will save your sole, We will even dye for you!" At an Eye Clinic: "If you don't see what you're looking for, You've come to the right place.”; On a...
..kangaroos shouldn't buy beer.
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My doctor told me to soak my feet in vinegar. All it gave me was pickled bunions. ___ Sad news. Today we lost the inventor of the protractor. He's with the angles now. ___ The teacher asked my friend...
.. kangaroos don't have breasts
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Sorry about my earlier joke about oil.
It was a bit crude.
I'll make sure they're more refined in future....
i decided to form a band called the 999 Megabytes... We haven't had a Gig yet. ___ "Your underwear is much too tight and revealing," I said to my wife. She replied, "Wear your own then." ___ My boss...
A nun went into an off licence and asked for a bottle of whiskey. "Whiskey?" the assistant asked. "I thought nuns didn't drink." "We don't" the nun replied. "This is for Mother superior's...
..Pythons shouldn't brush their teeth.
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A teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?" Little Paddy raises his hand and says: "Yes miss it was Tudy Glen." "No Paddy, her name was Maid Marion." "But miss...
Revenge of an Ex-wife .. She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat...
..snakes shouldn't pole dance
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Mary and Joan are chatting over a coffee. Mary said: "I'm going to get married. John proposed to me yesterday, and I said 'yes'" Joan looked surprised, and she said, "But you've had loads of...
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These are genuine clips from council complaint letters. 1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. 2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole...
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A police officer in America pulled over a driver and informed him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5,000 in a State Safety competition. "What are you going to do with the...
I was going to patent a method for reusing tea bags, but Tetley have taken out a restraining order against me.
I got a baby frog and decided to get a DNA test for it.
He turned out to be mostly Irish, a little bit French, somewhat German, and a tad Pole....
.. these days.
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I got thrown out of the staff room at my local Tesco yesterday afternoon. They sked me what I was doing in there. I told them I was on my break. They said but you don't work here. I said I'd just been...
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