My. Tesco Android Signal Is Poor
Technology0 min ago
I don't read newspapers any more - I just lie to myself and cut out the middleman.
Why is Peter Pan always flying?. Because he Neverlands!. - How many tickles does it take to make an Octopus laugh?. Ten tickles!. - Doctor, Doctor. Is it true exercise kills germs?. Possibly, but how...
There was a long queue at the ticket office for the overnight sleeper from Inverness to London, and by the time it reached the end there was only one compartment left, with a young girl and a young...
i was in a queue at the fairground for the guess your weight stand and i was there a little while but finally got to the front the man looked at me and said i guess that was around twenty minutes...
i feel quite shaken up i was involved in an extremely violent mugging the other week on the plus side i did make a few quid its all swings and roundabouts yep well i usually find that is the best...
Some mates and myself were talking about how hard it was for those of us born just after the war! My family was very poor. So poor the woman next door had me. The mice used to bring us pieces of...
How do you wake up Lady Gaga from a nap? Poker Face. ___ I wrote a play called 'broken bones'......... Now I just need a cast! ___ My mate has a really bad stutter. By the time he told us his nanna...
This young lad played dominoes with his workmates every lunchtime, and every lunchtime he'd win. He walloped 'em; he beat them hollow. Well, one day, the lads had had enough. After their dommies...
A handy tip: When buying an old second-hand car always insist on getting one with a heated rear window.
That way, in winter you can warm your hands while you're pushing it....
Two not very bright chaps decide to run a pub but fail miserably. One of them suggests opening a brothel but the other is of the opinion that if they couldn't sell beer they'd never sell soup. ___...
My wife wanted me to get more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car. Then I ignored her the rest of the day for no reason. ___ When I went to the doctor’s this morning the last person I...
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Why were they called the Dark Ages?. Because there were a lot of Knights. - Why doesnt Dracula have any friends?. Because he is a real pain in the neck. - Doctor, Doctor, i swallowed a fish bone. Are...
Sign seen on a music shop door. Bach at one offenbach sooner. ___ My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs. ___ I saw that show, 50...
Teacher: "What book made you cry?"
Me: "Algebra"...
I've been invited to a Coronation street party… I think I'll go as Ena Sharples. ___ Think I might have Weil's disease..... Well they say its going round and round! ___ I remember having free milk at...
I ordered one of those mail-order brides, but unfortunately, I was out when she was delivered, So now, she’s married to my neighbour. ___ Apparently, the coronation has been cancelled. Prince Charles...
The man who came up with the idea of the red card in football has passed away… He had a great send-off! ___ I think men who shorten their name to Pat are missing a trick! ___ My friends are going to...
A friend of mine told me he is into, bestiality, necrophilia and sado-masochim. I've told him he's flogging a dead horse.
I heard that the local weather girl thought she was the Best in the business. How Vane of her. ___ I’ve got a Rodent problem. So I covered the hole with a copy of ‘The Water Lilies’. I’ve put my Monet...
