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Fathers day last year I asked my Wife if she’d got a nice card for the man of her dreams and father to her kids.
She replied: “I’m not buying 2 cards.”...
What a day!! I replaced the glass in the living room window three times! Then noticed it was my glasses that were cracked!! ___ A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap,...
I feel sorry for the staff in Greggs in this weather… They must be baking in there! ___ Is your glass half full or half empty? Depends on whose round it is. ____ Traffic cop to motorist, “It says on...
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home." Trying to placate her, the...
A slice of apple pie is £2.50 in Jamaica and £3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean....
DEAR Milkman...NOTES! Actual notes left for the milkman. "Dear Milkman. I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Please don't leave any more...
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging? Who are...
A woman went on holiday, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right. Her...
Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at...
Went to the local Asda supermarket. The sign says 50% off selected items. So I picked up a £1000 tv. The cashier said: "That’s £1000 please." "I said: " NO it’s £500." Cashier said: " The 50% off is...
Knock Knock. Whos there?. Witches. Witches who?. Witch is the way to the store?.- Knock Knock. Whos there?. Hatch. Hatch who?. Bless You!. --- Doctor, Doctor. I have only got 59 seconds to live. Hang...
I read that taking your bike to work is good for the environment.
So I thought, why not?
I'm not using the roof rack for anything else....
ANYONE LIVING IN THE WALES/ENGLAND AREA. If so would you be interested in spending the day in a helicopter flight for 4 people? I'm still looking for 2 more people to join us. We leave early Saturday...
The bank clerk asked if I could identify myself. I saw my reflection in the glass and said “yep that’s me!” ___ Chester zoo are bragging they have the best looking chameleon in the world.. I can't see...
The police knocked on my door this morning. “Do the letters H.B. mean anything to you?” they asked. “No I said.” “What about G.D. then?” “No means nothing to me.” I said. “How about A.J.?” “Look,” I...
Walking down the road last night, I passed an apple pie, an ice cream sundae and a lemon cheesecake.
I thought "the streets are strangely desserted tonight"...
About to go on holiday and my neighbour asks me to bring back 800 cigarettes for him. Got back and gave them to him. 'How much do I owe you?' '£600' 'Blimey, that's dear - where did you go?' 'Rhyl."...
Elton John held an inter-county boxing championship for nurses and found that Surrey seems to be the hardest ward. ___ I watched a documentary about the Normans last night. Amazing that such a large...
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asks the students: "Students, If you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the...
To pass the time, I decided to watch a little telly.
I just wish I'd bought a bigger one...
