Quizzes & Puzzles1 min ago
The wife’s mother said: ‘When you’re dead, I’ll dance on your grave.’
I said: ‘Good. I’m being buried at sea.’
Les Dawson...
for the alert?
There was a boy on the bus, and he yelled out annoying phrases like "If my mummy was a girl bear, and my daddy was a boy bear I would be a little bear, if my mummy was a girl horse, and my daddy were...
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna 1, Anna 2....
Did you know that Spiderman has a winter jacket made entirely of Mediterranean flat bread. It's a Pita Parka. ___ Two flies land on Kojak’s head, one turns to other and says: "Look we're on Telly!"...
Madame Gloria: "Alfred, why didn't you water the garden yesterday?" Alfred the butler: "It was raining, madam." Madame Gloria: "Well, that's hardly an excuse, couldn't you have taken an umbrella with...
CUPRINOL ,,,,
Because it's good over fences...
If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.
Marcus Brigstocke...
My wife and I are a temperamental couple... I’ve got a temper and she’s mental. ___ Italian court: Judge: "I order you to pay €10,000." Mario: "Why?" Judge: "It’s a fine." Mario: "No itsa not!" ___...
A man walks into a chemist’s and says, "Can I have a bar of soap, please?"
The chemist says, "Do you want it scented?" And the man says, "No, I’ll take it with me now"
Ronnie Barker...
I got stopped coming through customs at Manchester airport for carrying two big hessian bags of Mobiles over my shoulder. I tried to explain that my cousin had said 'If ever you're in America bring me...
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
I know a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink and be Mary.
The annual fruit and veg race was exciting again this year! The hot favourite Onion pulled up injured and brought tears to fan's eyes. Next was Potato who wasn't peeling well. Rhubarb crumbled on the...
A dying granny was talking to her granddaughter: "I may die any moment so I want you to inherit my farm including the villa, the tractor, the farmhouse & all the livestock." "Wow!!!!" said the...
What kind of pirates are best at digging up buried treasure ?
Arrrchaeologists...
The man sat in the barber's chair and asked for a shave! The barber produced the cut throat razor and said "Have I shaved you before, sir?" "No, I lost my arm in the war!" A man sat in the chair and...
Why are the Irish so wealthy? Because their capital is always Dublin.
My wife was in labour when the nurse said it was time to push. She gave it everything she had, until a fart, that from sound and stench, had obviously followed through. She was mortified. "Don't...
A widowed lady, Sarah, was sitting on a beach towel in Rhyl She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, spread his blanket on the sand nearby, and had begun reading a book. Smiling,...
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