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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
The village vicar loved nothing better than to go tearing down the steep hill into town. His ambition was to get a green light and go straight through the crossroads without stopping and therefore...
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maggiebee
Paddy is at the airport carrying a sack on each shoulder when he is stopped at customs. They search each sack and find loads of mobile phones in them. They ask Paddy "why do you have such a lot of...
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Hopkirk
I got a job at a helium balloon factory. Lasted two hours. No one's talking to me like that....
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Hopkirk
I got a job at a chess piece factory. I was really happy there until they put me on knights....
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Chipchopper
"That new fish that you put in your pond last week, it doesn't seem to have moved in days, is it okay?" Neighbour: "Sure it is, it's just a de koi"...
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Chipchopper
I met up with my mate down at the river, but he was on the opposite bank. All was going well until I realised that I forgot to pack some milk for my coffee. I called my mate and said, "chuck that...
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Hopkirk
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
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Rondy
So I ask the waiter 'Have you got a game pie? He said "Yes we have..its fought its way out the oven twice." ___ I ran into the doctors today, "Doctor, Help! I'm shrinking!" The doctor replied, "I'm...
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Amytat
What’s the funniest ending of the above sentence please?...
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Rondy
Ele tri Typewriter for sale. Perfe t working ondition. onta t Ni k on 0 59 2584 1 £10 o ofrs heers......
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Hopkirk
My son has started an apprenticeship chef role at a Michelin starred Indian restaurant in London. On his first day they showed him how to make the perfect Indian flat bread. He said he can't tell me...
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Rondy
A large football stadium was booked for an International Blondes Convention. On the day, 30,000 blondes, from all over the world, were in the stadium. The Master of Ceremonies opened the proceedings!...
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Hopkirk
The fact that there's a highway to hell, and only a stairway to heaven says a lot about anticipated traffic levels.
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Rondy
I went to my doctor and said doctor I can't stop saying the same things over and over again. He's given me a repeat prescription... ___ It's easy to get addicted to helter-skelters. It's a downward...
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Hopkirk
My teacher said, “Name two pronouns.” I answered, “Who, me?”...
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Rondy
Lone ranger and tonto are riding across the prairie when up on the ridge to their right 2,000 sioux appear they look be hind them and relaize they've been followed by a 1,000 apache...then over to...
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Rondy
Two guys are sitting in a bar and one turns to the other and says ' you look shattered'. His mate replied ' its my girlfriend - she wants sex constantly - four/five/six times a day and wakes me up at...
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dustypuss
I was reading a book about fish . I only put it down for a minute. Now I've lost my plaice !.
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Chipchopper
Scientists and environmentalists are worried about the spread of invasive weeds growing in the Caribbean islands. One of the worst affected areas is known locally as "the Cuban thistle crisis"...
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Hopkirk
Would you wear spectacles made of oak? Eye wood....

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