Crosswords2 mins ago
I really hate puns about elements in the periodic table.
They should bury 'em....
Sooooo cold here, I had to go to the freezer to get an ice lolly to warm myself up a bit
Awful weather conditions today. I've just visited my 80 years old neighbour to ask her if she needed anything from the shops. Turns out that she does so I've given her my list as well. No point in...
Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. Prison service for not Servicing the electric chair. He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!
I can tell I'm getting old because my kids don't want to listen to Whitesnake with me, so here I go again on my own.
A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a Arsenal scarf. "Hello mate" says St. Peter, "I'm sorry, no Utd...
Why do riot police get up super early?
To beat the crowds....
Apparently I was a very entreprenurial kid
My first words were -
''How much do you want for the cot?''...
Little boy: "Mummy, what happens when a car gets so old and rusty that it won't move anymore?"
Mum: "Someone sells it to your father."...
Two Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave. "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave and...
Hopefully the Swedes never make a movie with this title.
It would be a real tear jerker....
Woke up this morning to find a spoon in my mouth, a tea bag in my left eye and milk in my right ear. I'm sick of being treated like a mug. _________ Most people don’t believe me when I tell them that...
My kitchen floor is sticky, and I had to do something about it. So finally I went out and bought some slippers....
Husband walks into Ann Summers to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price....
There what was a big celebration at the zoo yesterday, due to experts claiming that one of a buffalo herd has got to the ripe old age of 200 years! A zoo official said "This is extremely rare for them...
A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! 'You need to use 'Big People'...
My wife can't stop buying magazines.
She's got issues....
Bought a book on shipbuilding today, it was riveting!
Prior to getting married, my future in-laws promised me an acre of land and a cow.
I'm still waiting for the land !...
Judge: "Haven’t I seen you before?"
Man: "Yes, your Honour. I taught your daughter how to play the drums."
Judge (banging the gavel): "Twenty years!"...
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