Crosswords1 min ago
A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him. “Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The...
John and Mary were approaching fifty years of marriage in a few days. As they sat by the fire, John said "Mary, because we've had a good life together, I'm going to take you to the poshest hotel in...
A married couple was walking through a city park. Wife: "Just look at that drunk sitting there on the bench, swigging whisky from the bottle" Husband: "Who is that, he looks familiar ?. Wife: "Ten...
If you jumped off a bridge in Paris, you’d be in Seine....
A woman, cranky because her husband was late coming home again, decided to leave a note, saying, "I've had enough and have left you...don't bother coming after me" Then she hid under the bed to see...
An American was touring Britain and stopped at a remote farm in Yorkshire. The farmer was leaning against a fence watching his flock of sheep in the adjacent field. The tourist walked up to him and...
This sentence contains exactly threee erors.
What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?
A chicken sees a salad....
The local pub was at the heart of village life. Everyone met there and the atmosphere was convivial. Except for one thing. The pub cat! It brushed against the customers, covering their trousers with...
A businessman, a vicar and a labourer were in the same train compartment. Each of them was doing the Times crossword. After a short time, the labourer put his pen in his pocket and rolled up his...
Yesterday morning I went past the cemetery, and I saw four guys walking around carrying a coffin.
I went back past in the evening, and they were still carrying it.
I think they've lost the plot....
Simon was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the Simon complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. "Have you been taking them...
So Lord Leicester and his latest young bride arrive at the Shangri-La, Clacton on their wedding night. The hotel manager greets them, notices the confetti and asks if there is an upgrade they'd like...
The other day a woman described me as a bit of a looker.
Well , voyeur was the actual word used....
I asked the farmer, how much would it cost me to take a shortcut across your field ?
It's free he said, but the bull might charge...
Is Google male or female?
Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion....
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I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "This is the 21st century," she said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.". I can tell you this......
Nigel was sitting in class one day when the teacher asked the class: "Who caused the walls of Jericho to collapse?" Nigel instantly replied : "It wasn't me miss!" Teacher said: "Stay behind after...
A husband and wife entered a dentist's office. The husband said, “I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or novocaine because I am in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible.”...
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