Internet1 min ago
Wife "look, I haven't worn this for ten years and it still fits"
Husband "For heaven's sake, it's a scarf!"...
I'm trying to get into classical music but I'm struggling to find any original recordings.
All the music is performed by cover bands....
I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick, she's not spoken to me since.
I've just bought a Monopoly Set , but it has no Instructions .
I mean.
What are the chances...
A Letter to Persil: I am writing to say what an excellent product I have found Persil Non Bio to be! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mum always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my...
I'm selling my low mileage DeLorean.
It's only been used from time to time....
A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the...
A lost Claus
,,wins your morning disagreement?
https:/
A man of Afro-Caribbean origin arrives at the pearly gates, to be greeted by God. Welcome, said God, what have you done to gain entrance to heaven. "Well" said the man " I married the most eligible...
I'm furious that there is no word that rhymes with curious.
This beer is apparently available in Chiswick where a house beer has been renamed.
https:/
I accidentally drank some holy water when I took my laxatives.
I'm about to start a religious movement....
Why did the shrimp leave the party early ?
Because he pulled a muscle...
1. You consider scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine as good weather. 2. The only sausage you like is square. 3. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at secondary school....
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. Foolish man give wife grand piano,...
I got so drunk last night that I started a fight with a mop… To be fair, I wiped the floor with him! ________________ I phoned the NHS line today and said, "I'm having a real problem getting an...
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor? Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient...
For my birthday my children gave me an alarm clock that swears at me instead of buzzing.
It's a rude awakening....
The world champion tongue twister just got arrested and was given a really tough sentence.
