ChatterBank0 min ago
I was walking past the police station yesterday when I saw a poster on the noticeboard saying "man wanted for robbery" So I decided to go in and apply for it....
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.
He slides up to the bar and announces:
'I'm looking for the man who shot ma paw.'...
Apparently I have trouble verbalising my emotions.
Can't say I'm surprised....
I once bought a wooden car, with a wooden engine, wooden doors, wooden wheels, and wooden seats.
I then put the wooden key in the wooden ignition.
Doh!! The damn thing wooden start....
"What's for dinner tonight?"
She says, "Nothing."
He says, "We had nothing last night."
She says, "Yes. I made enough for two nights."...
A budgie escapes from its cage and humped the family dog.
The owner says, "I've got puppies going cheap if anyone wants one."...
My wife is going to a fancy dress party as a Rastafarian.
She's asked me to do her hair.
I'm dreading it....
Mrs Biden bought Joe a parrot for his birthday. She told Kamala Harris, the deputy president "The bird is so smart, Joe has already taught him to pronounce over 200 words." "Wow. That's pretty...
This is a reminder to all clinical staff when undertaking a capacity assessment.
DO NOT ask who the Prime Minister is....
I asked 100 women what shampoo they would prefer to use while taking a shower.
They all replied "how did you get in here?"...
Golfer: “Think I’m going to drown myself in the lake.” Caddy: “Think you can keep your head down that long?” ___________ Golfer: “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.” Caddy: “Try...
A 4-year old son was eating an apple in the back seat of the car, when he asked, "Daddy, why is my apple turning brown?" "Because," his dad explained, "after you ate the skin off, the meat of the...
My mate David was a victim of ID theft.
Now we just call him Dav....
After dropping my new girlfriend home the other night after our first date, she told me I'd have to wait 3 months before she would have sex with me. I told her I totally understood and respected her...
I sent my girlfriend out to buy a pint of milk .
It's been almost two weeks now, and she has not returned yet .
I'm getting very worried now that the milk has gone off...
You can wander around Walmart and eat grapes and nobody bothers you but as soon as you eat a rotisserie chicken, here comes security.............
I pulled a sickie the other day.
It's one of the perks of working at a hospital....
My brother was arrested for feeding pigeons at the zoo.
Apparently he was feeding them to the lions....
,, have heard of Karl Marx, but what about his sister Onya?
Learnt to run at an early age but didn't become famous.
Why is her name is announced at the beginning of nearly every race?...
Doctor: "Relax Peter, it's just a small surgical procedure. Don't panic."
Patient: "My name isn't Peter"
Doctor: "I know. I'm Peter"...
