London Drinker Magazine (Dec/Jan Issue)
Crosswords13 mins ago
A rich young woman sat beside a poor elderly man on a plane. She alerted the flight attendant upon taking her seat. The flight attendant answered warmly, when the woman abruptly said, “Please find me...
An actor had been out of work for years because he always forgot his lines. One day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for an important part in a play. All the actor had to say was,...
..implement destroys your day?
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Autocorrect is my worst enema.
A jockey is riding the favourite at a Boxing day meeting he rounds the last bend in the lead when he is struck on the head by a turkey and a string of sausages He composes himself and regains the lead...
A chicken came up to me and said "I can't find my eggs"
I said "you've probably mislaid them"...
My mate's wife was dancing on a table.
"Good legs" I said
"Do you really think so?"
"Oh yes, most others would have collapsed under that weight"...
Hatt Mancock was pelted with slime on [i] I am a celebrity Get Me Out Of Here [i] ,but nobody noticed any difference....
A man sees an ad for a £50 cruise on Craigslist. Despite his better judgement, he grabs some cash and makes his way to the address given in the ad. He opens the door to a small office and is knocked...
A policeman pulled me over and said "papers!".
I replied "scissors" and drove off....
How did they obtain a licence?
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Chap at the door
When I opened it there was a wummin standing there....
Two Scots, Archie and Jock are discussing Jock's wedding. "Ach it's all going well, I've got everything organised, I've even bought a kilt to be married in." Archie says, "That's braw, what's the...
My daughter said she wanted a Cinderella themed party.
So I made her and her friends clean the house....
,,for your zoom meeting.
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I asked my girlfriend when her birthday was.
She said "March first".
So I walked around the room, and asked her again....
A priest goes into a pub to avoid the rain and spies a member of his congregation in there looking miserably in to his pint. ‘What’s wrong, Brian?’ asks the kindly man of God. ‘It’s my grandfather,’...
My wife told me she would leave me if I didn't stop singing "I'm a Believer".
I thought she was joking.
Then I saw her face....
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..Mechanic is required.
https:/
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