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A teacher asked her class of seven-year-olds: "If I had 6 apples in one hand and 4 in the other, other, how many apples would have"? Little Johnny Was first to raise his hand, and says"very big hands,...
I've just been to the hospital to have a mole removed from my ***. I won't be screwing one of them again.
Thanks to the people that said that it was fine to allow your pets to sleep in your bed. My goldfish is now dead......
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not...
The clocks go back this weekend. I'm setting mine to 1940 when this country had some guts........
Booked a table for me and my missus last night. How Was I to know she couldn't play snooker.
Quit my job working in the helium factory. I wasn't going to be spoken to like that.
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I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.
It's all about raisin awareness....
A man in the North Wales supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. Dave the produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager....
I went in for a covid test and the doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste.
No, I replied, I always dress like this....
..stressful job ever?
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These days you can get a new PM quicker than an appointment to see your GP.
A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day by finding a lovely pair of shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress in a sale in the second shop. In the third everything was reduced to...
Shoepidity:
Wearing uncomfortable shoes because they look good....
A question for the Tory Abers. A short while ago you were proclaiming vociferously that Boris Johnson was the best person to lead the Tory Party. A bit later you were proclaiming vociferously that Liz...
A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game
A bloke walks into a pub and sees three men and a dog playing poker. He says to the landlord, "flip me, that must be one clever dog." "Not really", said the landlord. "Every time he gets a good hand...
A camelid is at the checkout in a supermarket putting his shopping away , from the conveyor belt A friendly store employee asks him - '' Would you like some assistance with your shopping sir ? ''...
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