Music2 mins ago
I walked into the living room this morning and there was a fella in a canal boat. I shouted: "Oi!!.. you can't come barging in here!" ___ I was drinking a beer and the bartender yelled “Does anyone...
A friend of mine always refused to use anyone else's laptop, ipad or smartphone. So in the end we left him to his own devices. ___ I went to a mulch seminar . The presenter covered a lot of ground....
The doctor said 'Dont eat anything fatty.'
I said you mean like burgers and crisps?
No I mean 'Fatty dont eat anything'...
I've been volunteering at the local church.. It took some grafting, but I cant wait for them to see what a great job Ive done of getting rid of all the stains on the windows. ___ Bigfoot often gets...
A Man goes into a Bakers and asks for 2 Bread Rolls..?? The Shop Man picks them up with the Tongs and puts them in a Paper Bag, He then asks for 2 Cakes the Shop Man picks them up with the Tongs and...
While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were...
I told my wife today that she had the memory of a goldfish. She was fuming!! Well for about 3 seconds. ___ A friend recently went to Middle Eastern restaurant for dinner. Sadly, soon after finishing...
This man from South Yorkshire is in a field with his girlfriend when he notices an old tree stump. "Ey oop, See that there stump", he says, "I had sex with my first girlfriend behind that booger!...
Two flies were on the top of a cornflake box. One started running about, the other said "Why are you doing that?, " because it says tear along the dotted line!"....
many years ago at the bottom of the valley there was a chapel, the locals thought it was getting a bit tatty looking on the outside so times being hard they all clubbed together to buy a tin of...
A truck driver stopped by a bar after a few days on the road. Went to the bar counter and ordered a stout. After 3 glasses, he ask the bartender.. Trucker : 'Hey bro, i am horny, any hooker i can get...
A 50 year old woman spent £10,000 on a face lift and was amazed at the result as she felt it made it look so much younger. Pleased how she looked she went into a clothes shop, and when the assistant...
Old Willy is having difficulty making his way home after a bout of heavy drinking with his cronies. After some struggle he is now at his front door checking all his pockets for his door key but to no...
A married couple is driving along a motorway doing a steady 40 miles per hour. The husband is behind the wheel. His wife suddenly looks across at him and speaks in a clear voice. “I know we have been...
A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes £9.00. "But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer. "Okay," says the bartender, "If you said...
A primary school teacher in Glasgow asked the class, "Can anybody name a sport that starts with a 'T'?" Wee Billy said, "Yes. Golf." ___ People get annoyed with me when I read over their shoulder on...
I'm still angry at my parents for not buying me expensive rollerblades.
Cheapskates....
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk'. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in...
A chap's waiting at the lights in his Jag just behind a learner and just in front of a police car. The lights turn green. The learner stalls. The lights turn red. The lights turn green again. The...
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the...
Latest Posts
Will Blasphemy Laws Be Reintroduced?
News4 mins ago
Crosswords7 mins ago
Crosswords16 mins ago
News23 mins ago
Can You Be Fined For Emptying A Swimming...
Civil25 mins ago