Should Children Under 16 Be Barred From...
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A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many...
Releasing birds at a wedding is so romantic....although it doesn't work quite so well with ostrich's. ___ After a gruelling 2 hour car chase the paparazzi managed to lose Harry and Meg! ___ The doctor...
I lost my pizza cutter, so I used a Bryan Adams cd.
It cuts like a knife....
Just returned from the dentist, who went through all my dental problems with a fine tooth comb. Though it hasn't half made my gums bleed! ___ Just watched a video on the benefits of rowing. It was awe...
An old lady shaking violently on her Zimmer frame struggles into the sex shop she asks the assistant 'Do you sell vibrators young man?' 'Yes' he replied. "In that case," she asks. "Can you tell me how...
A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?" She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath...
i took a poll recently and found out that 100 percent of people were mad that their tent fell down...
I asked my boss, "Can I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?" "It's May," he said. I said, "Sorry. May I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?" ___ "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled....
Rumors of a food shortage at this year’s spoonerism conference turned out to be a complete lack of pies.....
This preacher was looking for a good used lawnmower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. "This mower work, son?" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said,...
A Foreign Legionnaire is posted to an outpost in the Falkland Islands, far away from civilisation......and women...... "Err.........what does one do for, um, romance in these parts?" he asked a...
The difference between girls and women: Aged: between 8 and 78 ? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed At 28 - You don't need to tell her a...
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's brain. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. "Hello?" she cried, but no...
I had some sad news today of my cousin from the Dutch side of the family. Apparently he invented the worlds first inflatable shoes but when he went out onto the cobbled streets of Amsterdam he popped...
A school teacher was having a bit of difficulty with an unruly class. Having reached his limit, he took the blackboard pointer and aimed it at one of the ring leaders! "There's an idiot at the end of...
A fairground worker working on the dodgems gets the sack for no good reason. He calls a solicitor who says that.......... You have very good grounds for FUN FAIR DISMISSAL. ___ I tried keeping it a...
Two nudists were discussing politics.
One says, “Have you read Marx?”
The other nods, Yes It’s these blasted wicker chairs."...
I don't think those posit it note wide awake eye patches fooled anyone at the monthly works meeting, hey ho
Wife; When we first met, you used to nibble my ear. Husband: I can't now? My teeth are in the bathroom. ___ My local is hosting a new beer, Magna Carta, it’s a sort of runny mead. ___ I’ve just got a...
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me. ___ We're renovating our house. First floor is going great. But the second floor is another story. ___ Q. Do...
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