Crosswords1 min ago
A joke for Halloween, courtesy of the great Barry Cryer, A skeleton walked into a pub and ordered a pint and a mop!
An out-of-town homeless man comes to a nice looking house hat in hand, and upon answering the doorbell, the homeowner asks what the itinerant wants.
The shabily dressed person say "Well... I... ...
The shabily dressed person say "Well... I... ...
I was looking for a good loo cleaner, so I asked a lady at the supermarket, "which is the best stuff for cleaning the loo" she said "ammonia cleaner" I said "sorry I thought you worked... ...
A thief in the butcher shop got charged with chop lifting.
The Judge said he mutton do it again. ___ My wife is doing an experiment. She's wearing a Man Utd shirt for a week to get peoples reactions.... ...
The Judge said he mutton do it again. ___ My wife is doing an experiment. She's wearing a Man Utd shirt for a week to get peoples reactions.... ...
I asked my mate what part of the USA his wife was from.
He replied 'Alaska'...
Well - to be honest I thought he would know!
___
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the... ...
He replied 'Alaska'...
Well - to be honest I thought he would know!
___
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires sticking out of it. He phones the... ...
A mate of mine has just won the Phillipines National Origami championship. He's a Manila folder.
Reports have come through that Police have stopped and arrested 50 Hull KR fans on the M62 with flares as they were on their way to the Grand Final v Wigan at Old Trafford yesterday. It turned out... ...
Two tapeworms in a high ranking army officer.
One says to the other "What's up mate, you look really down?"
The other replies "Oh, nothing really, just life in General" ___ We've started going to a... ...
One says to the other "What's up mate, you look really down?"
The other replies "Oh, nothing really, just life in General" ___ We've started going to a... ...
Dogs bark an average of 787 times per day. Well, that's a ruff estimate 😀
I've Just had a sage and onion enema.
It's knocked the stuffing out of me. ___ Cucumbers are really good for memory............
Someone stuck one up my mates *** 30 years ago and he still remembers... ...
It's knocked the stuffing out of me. ___ Cucumbers are really good for memory............
Someone stuck one up my mates *** 30 years ago and he still remembers... ...
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He's a singer/songwriter Or sew it seams
They’re a funny lot, my family. Before he died my grandad covered his back with lard, but after that he went downhill very quickly. My sister had hay fever and then she developed diabetes. I did my... ...
The cheeky kids next door challenged me to a water fight, I said,”Give me 5 minutes and I’ll be ready as soon as the kettles boiled.” ___ For a minute I thought the job centre was trying to appeal... ...
Coming soon. Star Wars 12. Luke needs a walker.
Henry Ford dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, Saint Peter tells Ford, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your invention of the car changed the world. As a reward, you can hang out with... ...
I went into Boots the Chemist this morning and asked for a comb, the assistant said: "Do you want a steel one?" I said: "No I'm happy to pay for it".
I'm studying the effects of marijuana on sea birds. I've not left a tern unstoned.
This fella just said to me: "Why have you got a trainer on your head?"I said: "I am trying to jog my memory".
My local chef got caught embezzling, he was cooking the books. ___ One day I hope to lose so much weight that I win the Nobelly Prize! ___ So a big group of fawns, moose and elks got together and had... ...
Jujitsu - the gentle art of folding clothes when people are still in them.