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Berniecuddles2

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Berniecuddles2

Had A Chat

Just had a chat with my neighbour's gorgeous daughter. Turns out she's well into UFOs!. Which is handy i'm going to abduct her tomorrow!...
12:07 Fri 06th Oct 201715 answers, last by Berniecuddles2 12:52 Fri 06th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

My Phone

Just dropped my phone in mayonnaise. feckin hellman!...
11:49 Fri 06th Oct 201720 answers, last by Shaglene 14:48 Sat 07th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Can Of Peaches!

An elderly couple had been shopping at a grocery store, and the wife decided to steal a can of peaches. The inevitable happened and she was caught. Upon her court date, the judge asked her what she...
07:03 Fri 06th Oct 20178 answers, last by Shenco 17:10 Fri 06th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

A Man In Hospital!

A man is in Hospital bed wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth. "Nurse" he mumbles "are my testicles black?" The nurse raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his balls in the other. She...
20:55 Thu 05th Oct 20172 answers, last by Shaglene 14:58 Sat 07th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

I'm Not Sure I Can Afford It

A lady called her gynecologist, and asked for an "emergency" appointment. The receptionist said to come right in. She rushed to the office, and was ushered right into an examination room. The doctor...
20:45 Thu 05th Oct 20179 answers, last by dannyk13 09:07 Fri 06th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Chicken.

What do you call a chicken staring at a lettuce? Chicken sees a salad....
15:33 Thu 05th Oct 20174 answers, last by Patsy33 16:45 Thu 05th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Chocolate!

My wife asked me, "Did you eat my chocolate in the cupboard last night?" "No, don't be silly" I replied, "I ate it on the sofa."...
08:00 Thu 05th Oct 201714 answers, last by Shaglene 15:27 Thu 05th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

My Mate

My mate swallowed his phone and got it stuck in his throat. I had to ring his neck....
17:47 Wed 04th Oct 20174 answers, last by Patsy33 11:55 Thu 05th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Look Sexy

Mrs c told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy, so I drunk 10 pints of lager and got drunk.!
14:12 Wed 04th Oct 201713 answers, last by Berniecuddles2 14:37 Wed 04th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

George Clooney

You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
10:40 Wed 04th Oct 201716 answers, last by Patsy33 12:44 Wed 04th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Lost An Arm To A Snake Bite.

My mate lost an arm to a snake bite. He had twelve pints of the stuff and fell through a window....
10:08 Wed 04th Oct 201711 answers, last by Patsy33 15:53 Wed 04th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Quit My Job!

I've just quit my job at a helium balloon factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice!...
20:38 Tue 03rd Oct 201754 answers, last by Berniecuddles2 06:25 Thu 05th Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Wife Has Packed Her Bags

My wife has packed her bags and gone!! Just because of my fetish with touching pasta. I'm feeling cannelloni right now....
17:14 Tue 03rd Oct 201713 answers, last by Patsy33 18:29 Tue 03rd Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Drum Kit

I tripped and fell over a full drum kit -- I'm now suffering from percussion...
16:29 Tue 03rd Oct 20179 answers, last by Patsy33 18:23 Tue 03rd Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Rip Tom Petty

Tom Petty, the beloved American singer-songwriter, has died at age 66 after suffering cardiac arrest.
21:24 Mon 02nd Oct 201749 answers, last by Lie-in King 20:54 Tue 03rd Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

I Got Mugged

I got mugged by 6 dwarves today. Not Happy....
21:17 Mon 02nd Oct 201714 answers, last by Shaglene 15:27 Tue 03rd Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Shirt Is Too Small

Shop assistant: How about this one? Psychic: That shirt is too small Shop assistant: You didn't even try it on? Psychic: I'm a medium...
16:59 Mon 02nd Oct 20173 answers, last by Ellipsis 17:04 Mon 02nd Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Restaurant!

I was in the restaurant last night when a beautiful girl came up and asked me "are you single" I said "well yes I am" Well she said " you won't need that spare chair then thanks"...
07:49 Mon 02nd Oct 20171 answer, last by Shaglene 15:25 Mon 02nd Oct 2017
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Berniecuddles2

Late Arrivals At The Ball!!

Mr & Mrs Strap, & their son, Jock was held up Will you welcome, please, Bill Oddie, and his son, Mel Will you welcome, Mr & Mrs Tone, and their son, Barry Welcome Mr & Mrs Tasanute, and their son,...
07:37 Mon 02nd Oct 2017112 answers, last by marval 23:10 Thu 05th Oct 2017

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