An elderly couple have finally learnt how to send texts on their mobiles. The wife being a romantic at heart, sends her husband a text while he's out. It reads, 'I love you. If you are sleeping send...
A young Chinese couple get married. She's a virgin & they are both waiters. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets, as...
You admit to having broken into the dress shop four times?" asked the judge. "Yes," answered the accused. "And what did you steal?" "A dress, Your Honour," replied the accused. "One dress?" echoed the...
A young couple had only recently married and moved into a new home. when an unfortunate incident occurred. Early one morning, the wife, drowsy from bed, went to the toilet for the morning's relief,...
Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for...
A woman went to the doctor and complained that she was suffering from painful knees. "Do you indulge in any activity that puts a lot of pressure on your knees? asked the doctor. "Every night, my...
Last one for the weekend folks
Good Luck
http://images2.fanpop.com/images/photos/3000000/Jill-and-Darren-Jive-strictly-come-dancing-3014597-1920-1200.jpg...
Helping son decorate this morning, then.... Trip to the pub with favourite son (I've only got one), a couple of pints, well actually 3 and a half, wonderful lunch of pork, possibly beef, or may have...
DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in...
Walking down the street the other day I heard a group of people singing 21 today... 21 today. I was curious to see if it was a Girl's birthday and if she might be a bit hot but the fence was too high...
A very tight man was looking for a gift for a friend. Everything was too expensive, except for a broken glass vase which he could purchase for almost nothing. He asked the store to send it, hoping his...
On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must...
Scientists have announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science.. The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198...
There is a meeting proposed ... for beer and sausage ... The usual suspects will soon have an invite to a new facebook group. But this isn't 'exclusive' or 'the clique' - anyone who is interested is...
(Gawd, I sound like my aunts; they spent November arguing about who would host the rest of us that year ) Anything unusual ? Happy family gathering ? Unhappy family gathering? Playing host to waifs...
These are oldies - allegedly taken from letters to the council "I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." "I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very...
