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Hopkirk

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Hopkirk
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where she is....
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Hopkirk
My grandfather invented the cold air balloon, but it never really took off.
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Hopkirk
What do the Americans call gas?
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Hopkirk
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
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Hopkirk
Last night my wife was complaining that I never listen to her… or something like that....
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Hopkirk
The problem isn’t that obesity runs in your family. It’s that no one runs in your family....
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Hopkirk
A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though....
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Hopkirk
Whiteboards are remarkable.
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Hopkirk
I didn’t think orthopedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected....
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Hopkirk
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care....
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Hopkirk
Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back....
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Hopkirk
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
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Hopkirk
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down....
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Hopkirk
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right....
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Hopkirk
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
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Hopkirk
I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it’s also terrible....
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Hopkirk
Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene....
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Hopkirk
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician
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Hopkirk
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day....
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Hopkirk
What did the drummer name his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two...

501 to 520 of 1162

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