Donate SIGN UP

Hopkirk

461 to 480 of 1163

First Previous 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 Next Last

Avatar Image
Hopkirk
I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find....
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
For his 80th birthday, the old boy's mates clubbed together to get him a prostitute. She asked them "does he want sex or super sex?" The old boy pipes up "I'll have soup please"...
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell...
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
It takes guts to be an organ donor.
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
I visited the local office of the RSPCA yesterday. It's tiny. You couldn't swing a cat in there....
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He's fully recovered....
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
I entered ten puns in a contest to see which would win. No pun in ten did....
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
Can I please confirm I am correct in a point? Too much chocolate isn't good for children. A responsible parent will quietly reduce the amount of chocolate in the house, by surreptitiously consuming...
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
People used to get agitated if you talked about cosmetic treatments. Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow....
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died? He pasta way!
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
I gave away all my used batteries today. Free of charge!
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
I ran into Arnold Schwarzenegger yesterday. I asked him what his favourite Christian festival is, and he said "Has to be Easter, baby"...
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
BNAG - that's bang out of order.
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
A friend of mine has a butler whose left arm is missing. Serves him right....
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
There is a remote tribe that worships the number zero. Is nothing sacred? Les Dawson...
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why....
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time....
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
"I still enjoy sex at 68. Well I live at number 66 it's no distance." - Bob Monkhouse...
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
Not a question, just a nostalgic observation. When I change my car in May, it will take away the last option I have to play CDs....
Avatar Image
Hopkirk
“You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers...

461 to 480 of 1163

First Previous 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 Next Last