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Hopkirk

441 to 460 of 1162

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Hopkirk
I just found out that rubbish collectors don't get any training to do the job. They just pick things up as they go along....
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Hopkirk
My bestest friend, you are.
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Hopkirk
So I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first.' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo'. He said 'You're closest.'...
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Hopkirk
My mate asked me "what do you think of voluntary work?" I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me"...
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Hopkirk
The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves....
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Hopkirk
The police have confirmed that the man who fell from a 15th storey night club was not a bouncer.
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Hopkirk
I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!
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Hopkirk
Someone keeps leaving celery and rhubarb on my doorstep. I think I have a stalker....
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Hopkirk
Dogs can't operate MRI machines, but catscan....
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Hopkirk
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there’s a dog....
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Hopkirk
This bloke said "I'm going to chop off the bottom of your trouser leg and put it in the library" I thought "that's a turn up for the books"...
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Hopkirk
Sundays are a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
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Hopkirk
Leeds. Burnley or Everton?
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Hopkirk
I accidentally sat on the wife's hair dryer. That put the wind up me....
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Hopkirk
I went to the doctor and said I'm frightened of lapels. He said you've got cholera....
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Hopkirk
So what if I don't know what apocalypse means. It's not the end of the world....
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Hopkirk
This reporter said to me "how do you explain the absence of Halley's flaming meteorite?" I said "no comet"...
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Hopkirk
I just got an email claiming to be from Amazon, about unusual activity on my account. In the title it quoted a 'reverance number'....
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Hopkirk
Have you heard of that new band 1023MB? They're good but they haven't got a gig yet....
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Hopkirk
I tried to start a professional hide and seek team, but it didn't work out. Turns out, good players are hard to find....

441 to 460 of 1162

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