A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering and she begins moaning. Eventually, a voice comes, saying,...
A doctor enters into a patient's room and informs the patient that he has good news and bad news. He then asks the patient which news he would like to hear. The patient responds, "Doctor, give me...
Lawyer: I have some good news and some bad news. Client: Well, give me the bad news first. Lawyer: The bad news is that the DNA tests showed that it was your blood they found all over the crime scene...
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet. The blonde asked, "How am...
It was 5:00 in the morning at the U.S. Marine boot camp, well below freezing, and the soldiers were asleep in their barracks. The drill sergeant walks in and bellows, "This is an inspection! I...
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What...
A mother and father were having a heated argument in the kitchen. Their six year daughter was sitting at the kitchen table watching her parents, her little head moved from side to side as she listened...
One Sunday in a church a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle....
Old Chief Gnarled Oak, was turned into a millionaire by the discovery of oil on his reservation. He fell into the rich lifestyle, and he was particularly proud and pleased when his two boys were...
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher. He tapped her on the shoulder and said. "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better...
I'm writing you to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with a serious condition and there's no hope I will ever get over it. It may be hereditary as well. It's called the "Butfirst...
If you are stuck for a message for your answering machine, here are a few suggestions. "Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick...
Are you lonesome tonight, does your tummy feel tight? Did you bring your Mylanta and Tums? Does your memory stray, to that bright sunny day? When you had all your teeth and your gums? Is your hairline...
How many members of the Tate family belong to your church? There is old man Dic Tate, who wants to run everything, while Uncle Ro Tate tries to change everything. Their sister-in-law Agi Tate stirs up...
A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trap door and announce, "I descend into hell!" A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would...
A teacher was giving her Primary school pupils a lesson in developing logical thinking. "This is the scene," said the teacher. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river,...
A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion. "Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh. "Why, I'll...
A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time. The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little...
The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the sweetest face for the opening scene of the play. "Now, all you have to do is, when I direct the choir to sing '...and the angel lit...
Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy voice I said ”hello”. The person on the other end of the line paused for a moment before rushing...
