A bloke from Barnsley with piles go to the chemist.
He asks him.
"Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"
Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"...
"And will there be anything else, sir?" the Bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. "No thank you." the gentleman replied. "That will be all." As the...
Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign warning, "Danger! Beware of the dog!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the...
An old man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old...
A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defence’s closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be...
A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbours for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is matzoh ball soup." On seeing the 2...
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the preacher was standing at the door shaking hands as the congregation departed. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled...
Have to write a letter of recommendation for that fired employee? Here are a few suggested phrases: For the chronically absent: "A man like him is hard to find." "It seemed her career...
Sorry this made me smile. Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason, but lied...
John was obsessed with women's assets, so he went to a psychologist and told him his problem. "Let's play a little word association game," the doctor said. "I'll say a word and you say...
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician. "Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair....
A business man packing for a trip glances in his briefcase. "Honey?" "Yes, darling?" "Honey," he says, in mild exasperation, "why do you persist in putting a condom...
Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter: First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for a paper boy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to...
A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards house just after breakfast, will you tell the jury what she said?" "Objection, your...
Jacob, who has always had a fear of needles, was sitting in the hospital waiting to get a vaccination. When the nurse called him into the office to receive the injection, he nervously entered the...
A guy who went into the adult section of a department store to buy condoms. The female clerk told him, "We have the rainbow assortment on sale today, would you like those?" The guy said,...
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl, laughed uproariously. “What’s the matter...
Two salesmen were writing up their orders when the conversation came around to last night's big date. "So how'd it go, Joe?" asked Bill. "Terrible," admitted Joe. "The moment...
Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighbourhood. They parked their van at the end of the alley and worked their way...
A mother was walking down the hall when she heard a humming sound coming from her daughter's bedroom. When she opened the door she found her daughter without clothes on the bed with a vibrator....
