A school teacher had twenty-six young students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb....
It was early morning at the military base, and the first sergeant was calling out names for the daily work parties listed on a piece of paper: "Ames" "Here!" "Jenson"...
Calories Burned During Sex: REMOVING HER CLOTHES: With her consent.................................12 Calories Without her consent...........................2,187 Calories OPENING HER BRA: With both...
Mum. Don’t panic but I’ve been stopped for drink driving by the police. I failed the breathalyser and they took a urine sample. That showed positive too. So when nobody was looking I stole...
A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a...
A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat. During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck. Suddenly...
An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered...
In a village in the mountains, a little old man with a beard and a young girl set up a stall in the market place one day, selling bottles of homemade medicine, labelled ‘The Elixir of...
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt." A stranger walks up to him and...
A recent study showed a large percentage of teenage girls are suffering from carpel tunnel syndrome due to excessive texting. So now for the first time in history both teenage girls and boys are...
A waitress walks up to the table of three Japanese men at a small restaurant in Butlerville, Ohio. When she gets to the table, the waitress noticed that the three men are furiously masturbating! She...
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for...
A little boy and girl at school were having lunch in the shelter shed. "Tommy," she said, "I'm not eating any more chicken sandwiches." "Why?" he asked. "'Cause I'm...
For Sale or Trade: Slightly Used Wife Needs muffler, as it is currently VERY LOUD. Intake valve is stuck in the open position. Rear end needs major overhaul. A crack there has grown monstrously large....
A man and his wife are on vacation in Tibet. While shopping in a small village, the wife asks her husband what time it was, and looking down at his wrist the man realized he had left his watch in the...
A fellow decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper he would need but he knew that the Irishman who lived next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms...
Maggie Kelly was off to Dublin to do her Christmas shopping. 'Be careful,' said Mary McGee. Those Dublin stores charge far more than you'd pay here in Sligo. They always double the price. So when you...
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the first few stops, a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally...
For many years Kate Murphy had run the fruit and vegetable stall in the town market and she'd learned to have an answer for any situation. So there she stood and eyed the big Texan who was poking...
