Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home....
A man comes home with his daughter, whom he has just taken to work for the day. The little girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?" Feeling his...
A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: 'SEX FROGS' Only £20 each! Comes with 'complete'...
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God -...
This will clear up any confusion. You're a woman and you see a handsome man at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing. You're at a party with a...
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week,...
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Ken and his wife, Janet, listened to the instructor declare. 'It is essential that...
A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't...
There's a new garlic diet going around. You don't lose weight, but you look thinner from a distance. Man to clerk in DVD store: "I'd like to exchange this diet-and-workout DVD for one of...
1. You cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time. 2. All idiots after reading 1. will try it. 3. They will discover 1. is a lie 4. You are smiling now because you are an...
A modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence, "If you can read this you're too damn close" embroidered on her panties and bra. "Yes...
A Scotsman paying his first visit to a zoo stopped by one of the cages "An' whut animal would that be ?" he asked the keeper. "That's a moose from Canada", came the reply. "A...
Did you hear about the American who got in big trouble after he dismembered a grizzly?
He misunderstood the 2nd amendment when it said he was entitled to bear arms....
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?!...
Dear Dr. Ruth, I am writing to tell you my problem. It seems I have married a sex maniac. For the past 12 years he makes love to me regardless of what I am doing. I can be ironing, cooking, cleaning,...
Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a date rape drug going around called...
A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his first time approaching a field during the night time, and instead of making any official requests to the tower,...
A blond city girl named Diana marries a Colorado rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Diana, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our...
A psychiatrist was trying to comfort a new patient who was terribly upset. "You see, Doc," the patient explained, "my problem is that I like shoes much better than I like boots."...
A rich but spoilt boy fell in love with a girl and showered her with gifts though she didn't reciprocate his love. Once she was injured and he took her to the hospital, paid the bills and even gave...
