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marval

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marval

I Can

A young English couple decided they needed an au pair, and arranged for a girl to come over from Northern Finland. When she arrived, the wife asked, "Can you cook?" "No," said the girl, "My mother...
22:07 Sun 10th May 20155 answers, last by excelsior-1 15:18 Mon 11th May 2015
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marval

Oops

A cleric found himself wondering whether there were any golf courses in Heaven. He even began to ask the question in his prayers. One day, in answer to his prayers, he received a direct answer from on...
21:43 Sun 10th May 20159 answers, last by marval 22:06 Sun 10th May 2015
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marval

Ouch

After a motorway pile up the rescue services approach a car with a man in the front seat. The man is screaming and shouting. In an attempt to calm the situation one of the rescue staff says. "Calm...
17:53 Sat 09th May 20155 answers, last by excelsior-1 21:53 Sat 09th May 2015
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marval

What Are You Doing?

On vacation, a man and his wife check into a hotel. The husband wants to have a snack at the restaurant, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest. She lies down...
15:34 Fri 08th May 20153 answers, last by Khandro 08:15 Sat 09th May 2015
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marval

Blue

I've been feeling a little blue recently. I'm cuddling a Smurf. I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone. Finding someone who can cook the perfect...
18:53 Thu 07th May 20152 answers, last by excelsior-1 08:14 Sat 09th May 2015
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marval

Idea

I've come up with an idea for a spray that clears the air of all smells. I went to the patent office and the guy said; "This is madness!" "No." I said. "This is Non-Scents"...
22:31 Wed 06th May 201512 answers, last by magicmick 00:01 Thu 07th May 2015
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marval

I Just

I just took my new range of protective headgear for ducks on Dragon's Den Theo knocked me back. He said it wouldn't cover the bills. Nuts are so pricey these days. They cost an almond a leg. My...
16:14 Mon 04th May 20151 answer, last by excelsior-1 16:17 Mon 04th May 2015
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marval

I Designed

I designed a new type of submarine for the Navy, made entirely out of recycled bubble wrap. Needless to say it didn't go down well. So I was out in town the other day dressed as a pepper, when I was...
17:05 Sun 03rd May 20154 answers, last by excelsior-1 17:13 Sun 03rd May 2015
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marval

I Love

I love putting hyenas in old beer kegs. It's a barrel of laughs. My partner caught me on the sofa wearing nothing but my birthday suit. He was furious, we never normally open presents the night...
15:38 Sat 02nd May 20153 answers, last by tonyav 20:42 Sat 02nd May 2015
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marval

I Went

I went to a political debate yesterday and somebody threw a melted chocolate bar at one of the speakers. It proved to be quite a hot topic....
22:40 Fri 01st May 201514 answers, last by excelsior-1 07:51 Sat 02nd May 2015
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marval

I Have

I have just seen a huge killer fish playing guitar in the town centre. I think it is a busking shark....
21:56 Fri 01st May 201521 answers, last by marval 22:29 Fri 01st May 2015
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marval

I Think

I think my keyboard needs therapy. Some of the keys have been depressed lately. Today it was raining cats and dogs. I stepped in a poodle. I'm setting up a strip club in Devon, offering Cream Tease. I...
17:29 Thu 30th Apr 20152 answers, last by marval 17:48 Thu 30th Apr 2015
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marval

I Used

I used to fill a bin with water, sugar, hops and malt and leave it under the stairs for a while. But I stopped doing it, in the end it just made me bitter....
18:50 Wed 29th Apr 20154 answers, last by excelsior-1 19:11 Wed 29th Apr 2015
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marval

I Always

I always go to the harbour and start sailing on other people boats. I struggle with the concept of Own a Ship. Got a date with an archer tonight. I’m all of a quiver. I was out at the pub quiz with...
15:58 Tue 28th Apr 20154 answers, last by marval 17:15 Tue 28th Apr 2015
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marval

I've Just Seen

I've just seen a flock of pigeons in army uniforms. I fear a military coo. I keep having an hallucination where I'm in a descending lift with a strange object. I think I'm coming down with something....
18:48 Mon 27th Apr 20152 answers, last by melv16 18:59 Mon 27th Apr 2015
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marval

I'm Getting

I'm getting worried. I've spent all week watching detective fiction on television while setting fire to things. I think I'm a poiromaniac....
17:36 Mon 27th Apr 201512 answers, last by marval 22:23 Mon 27th Apr 2015
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marval

I Had

I had to go to hospital after tripping over a box of Kleenex once. It was ok though, it turned out to be just a soft tissue injury...
16:26 Mon 27th Apr 20152 answers, last by Svejk 16:33 Mon 27th Apr 2015
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marval

I Was

I was in the vegetable aisle at my local supermarket when the spring onions started breakdancing and doing hip hop. The little rap scallions!...
18:20 Sun 26th Apr 201536 answers, last by maggiebee 20:38 Sun 26th Apr 2015
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marval

The Owner

The owner of a bar asked me to get him a loudspeaker. I don't think Brian Blessed is what he had in mind...
16:14 Sun 26th Apr 20152 answers, last by marval 16:17 Sun 26th Apr 2015
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marval

We Have Got

We have got an aviary at home, but one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to the sounds of '80s synth pop. Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark. My neighbour was lopping branches off his...
15:31 Sun 26th Apr 20156 answers, last by Psybbo 16:18 Sun 26th Apr 2015

1361 to 1380 of 3998

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