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marval

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marval

Four For The Price Of One

As I handed my partner his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know, one would have been enough.” My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was...
18:06 Tue 03rd Sep 20193 answers, last by Canary42 06:31 Thu 05th Sep 2019
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marval

Oh Dear

On the first day of Juvenile court, the judge was sitting down to start reviewing the day's cases. "Bring out the first defendant," he said to the new bailiff. The bailiff left, and came back a moment...
15:06 Mon 02nd Sep 20193 answers, last by vulcan42 15:14 Mon 02nd Sep 2019
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marval

Public Disorder

A young woman was appearing in court to face a public disorder charge. The charges were read out, and she was asked how she pleaded. "Not guilty," the woman answered emphatically. The prosecution...
16:23 Sun 01st Sep 20193 answers, last by Chipchopper 19:09 Sun 01st Sep 2019
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marval

Idiocy In Court

Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?" Witness: "I only have one, you know." Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?" Witness: "By death." Lawyer: "And by...
17:27 Thu 29th Aug 20196 answers, last by bookbinder 16:09 Sun 01st Sep 2019
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marval

I Am Proud

I am proud to announce That I have completed The first item on my bucket list. I have bought the bucket...
15:57 Mon 26th Aug 20197 answers, last by Hopkirk 19:49 Wed 28th Aug 2019
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marval

Groan

A noted biologist, who had been studying little green frogs in a swamp, was stumped. The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby...
20:47 Sun 25th Aug 20194 answers, last by jno 09:15 Mon 26th Aug 2019
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marval

Saved

Last week a man had an accident in his car and got trapped. Fortunately two couples, Mr and Mrs Smith, and Mr and Mrs Ball, were at the scene. He was well pleased he got pulled out by the Smiths....
16:21 Wed 21st Aug 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 16:31 Wed 21st Aug 2019
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marval

Well Known

It is well known that Farms are major locations for accidental injuries. Well, last year I was run over by a Combine Harvester. That will teach me to wear a "High Viz" Jacket in a Rapeseed Field....
21:56 Tue 20th Aug 20192 answers, last by DTCwordfan 15:53 Wed 21st Aug 2019
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marval

Look At This

A man out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. When he finally gets himself to the doctor, he says," How bad is it doc? I am going...
17:59 Tue 20th Aug 20191 answer, last by Patsy33 19:33 Tue 20th Aug 2019
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marval

I Am A Believer

From now on, I will believe in The Prophet Muhammad. I decided to go to the local Mosque for the first time, to see what it was all about. I sat down and the Imam came up to me, laid his hands on my...
16:47 Sun 18th Aug 20193 answers, last by Spicerack 17:05 Sun 18th Aug 2019
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marval

Hangers

I think Ladies make better wallpaper hangers than Men. The best lady wallpaper hanger I ever saw was Anna Glypta....
13:32 Sun 18th Aug 20198 answers, last by DTCwordfan 17:23 Mon 19th Aug 2019
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marval

Don't Bother

I don't bother giving advice to folks on Forums anymore. I tried to help someone out with information about getting their Roof fixed. I just ended up getting "Slated"....
17:35 Sat 17th Aug 20193 answers, last by Patsy33 18:41 Sat 17th Aug 2019
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marval

I Joined

I joined a sewing forum I have never seen so many threads...
17:14 Thu 15th Aug 20196 answers, last by Fairlight 20:36 Thu 15th Aug 2019
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marval

With Apologies To A Certain Mp

*EMAIL WARNING* Please be aware of this latest danger. If you receive an email with an attachment that says. "NUDE PHOTO OF DIANE ABBOTT", do not under any circumstances open it. It actually contains...
20:54 Wed 14th Aug 20195 answers, last by DTCwordfan 17:18 Thu 15th Aug 2019
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marval

The Boss

The boss of Dulux paint has died of hypothermia. Whilst trekking across Antartica. Medics said he needed a second coat....
21:43 Tue 13th Aug 201910 answers, last by Canary42 23:44 Tue 13th Aug 2019
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marval

Last Night

Last night I put ten pounds on a horse. But the wind kept blowing it off....
20:55 Mon 12th Aug 20196 answers, last by Spicerack 12:18 Tue 13th Aug 2019
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marval

I Did Warn You

A man goes to the doctor and is diagnosed with an unusual condition. The doctor tells him there is a new drug made from crab serum that he might like to try. The patient agrees and is told to visit...
14:41 Sun 11th Aug 20195 answers, last by Jordyboy9 17:46 Thu 15th Aug 2019
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marval

Not My Fault

It is not my fault I have a double chin. When God was giving out chins, I misheard. I thought he said Gin. So I said I will have a double....
20:47 Fri 09th Aug 20199 answers, last by Patsy33 13:37 Sat 10th Aug 2019
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marval

Chromosomes

Chromosomes, a beginner's guide. XY = Male XX = Female YYY = Delilah...
17:24 Thu 08th Aug 20194 answers, last by Patsy33 11:41 Fri 09th Aug 2019
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marval

So Excited

Norman was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realised that he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So Norman raised his...
17:41 Tue 06th Aug 20192 answers, last by retrocop 17:59 Tue 06th Aug 2019

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