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Did you hear about the new e-reader? W.H.Smith and Amazon have created software that will condense books when you download them. It’s called the Dwindle....
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Attendant: Welcome aboard A la Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket? Passenger: Sure. Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please! Passenger: What for? Attendant: For telling you where to...
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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I...
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A hillbilly gets married and on his wedding night he decides to call his father to get some tips on what to do, since he had never been with a woman before. So he calls up his dad and asks him, "What...
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Jacob, who has always had a fear of needles, was sitting in the hospital waiting to get a vaccination. When the nurse called him into the office to receive the injection, he nervously entered the...
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Confucius say… cow spying on another cow is called a steak out. Confucius say… virginity like balloon… one prick – all gone. Confucius say… geometry teacher who loses parrot, will have...
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A man goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been cancelled, but he can get...
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One Sunday morning, the minister told the congregation that he was going to say a series of words, and he wanted them to sing the song that came to mind, when he said each word. The first word he said...
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A workman was killed at a construction site. The Workcover inspector began questioning a number of the other workers. Based with past brushes with the law, many of these workers were considered prime...
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Excerpts from a dog's diary: Day 181 8:00 am - Oh boy! dog food! my favourite! 9:30 am - Oh boy! a car ride! my favourite! 9:40 am - Oh boy! a walk! my favourite! 10:30 am - Oh boy! a car ride! my...
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Single Female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your vehicle, hunting, camping and fishing...
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A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the Parish. The mayor, a member of his congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner....
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President Obama was awakened one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon. "Mr. President," said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "there's good news & bad news." "Oh, no,"...
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Three Englishman walk into a bar and spot a Welshman sitting alone at a table. One fellow said to the others, 'Let's pick a fight with that Welshman over there.' His partner replied, 'Wait, we don't...
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Many years ago a woman known as a black widow, was arrested for murder. She was convicted of killing three husbands, and was sentenced to be hung. On the day of her execution the prison officer asked...
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Late one Friday night the policemen spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have....
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Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes. So what if I can’t spell Armaggedon? It’s not the end of the world. I was a trapeze artist, but I was let go. My father was a man...
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In school I wanted to join the debating team… but someone talked me out of it. I went to the garden center today and bought a Christmas tree. The assistant asked me, “Will you be putting that up...
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After directory enquiries gave Anita, her boyfriend's new telephone number, she dialled him and got a woman. "Is Jimmy there?" Anita asked. "He's in the shower," she responded. "Please tell him his...
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A doctor and a nurse were called to the scene of an accident. Doctor: We need to get these people to a hospital now! Nurse: What is it? Doctor: It's a big building with a lot of doctors, but that's...

1781 to 1800 of 3998

First Previous 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 Next Last