My friend and I work in a lawn-mower-parts warehouse. He had the idea that his wife did not want a card on Valentine’s Day, but when he spoke to her on the phone, he discovered she was expecting... ...
Mick got a job as a bus driver and on his first morning he just sat at the depot waiting. The bus inspector came over to see what the problem was. Mick said; " l'm waiting for the conductor! " The... ...
I met a nurse who took me to Italy. Next thing I know, she has me arrested. And that’s how I learned about Florence, night in jail. ___ I didn’t win any medals at the international astronomy quiz last... ...
I was disappointed with the new film called Fishing, although it had a great cast! ___ Woman sitting next to a man on a plane, every time he sneezes he wipes his cock, after the 3rd time the woman... ...
As I was rushed into A&E, the paramedic shouted “BP is 148!” I thought that’s not really the time to talk about petrol prices. ___ The seeds I sent for have germinated in the envelope. It's left me... ...
Just bought myself a book about reincarnation, it was £45 but I thought, *** you only live once! ___ The next person who asks me for pineapple juice, cranberry juice, lemonade and a slice of... ...
At a monastery high in the mountains, the monks have a rigid vow of silence. Only at Christmas can the monk speak, and then only two words, and only to the head monk. On his first Christmas there,... ...
An old man went to the college that he went to when he was a youth. He knocked on room number 3 of the hostel and said: May I come in. I lived in this very room thirty years ago when I studied in... ...
Two out of work east European bums decided that they would be better off in a more city location so they hitched a ride. The driver dropped them off in the city's red-light district. A hooker... ...
By the time the sailor pulled into a little town every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room... ...
My mate just got sacked from the Pet shop The owner caught him with his hands in the trill ! ___ Me at 16- “This radio is playing my favourite song” Me at 21- “This bar is playing my favourite song” Me... ...
This guy was staggering along the road, much the worse for the drink, throwing empty beer cans into the street and falling into peoples gardens. His singing gained the attention of a passing... ...
I was in a Café happily dipping my biscuits in other people's tea and they called the police... Said I was Dunkin' disorderly. ___ I stayed at a hotel yesterday and couldn't help noticing that some... ...
Wife: Can I cut my hair and make it short? Husband: Cut it. W: I took lot of efforts to grow it long.. H: Then don't cut it W: They say short hair is the fashion these days.. H: Then cut it W: What if... ...
I saw my wife using her phone to record herself getting her hair styled. I think she's planning to watch the highlights later. ___ I just saw my wife trip over and drop a basket of clothes she just... ...
