An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland, arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I...
Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An old Italian man is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. "Guido, I wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a...
A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the...
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local paper that read: HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUSTN’T RUN...
1. The meaning of opaque is unclear. 2. I wasn't going to get a brain transplant but then I changed my mind. 3. Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming. 4. A man tried to assault...
A dentist noticed that his next patient, a little old lady, was nervous, so he decided to tell her a little joke as he put on his gloves. 'Do you know how they make these gloves?' he asked. 'No, I...
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the Best patients to operate on. The first surgeon, says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is...
On the first day after his divorce, he sadly packed his belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, he had the movers come and collect his things. On the third day, he sat down for...
A 71-year-old man was requested by his Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said,'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The...
An avid golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital. Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news," says the...
Doctor, "Your husband needs rest and peace. Here are some sleeping pills."
Wife, "When must I give them to him?"
Doctor, "They are not for him, they are for you."...
Confucius Say... Kiss is merely shopping upstairs, For merchandise downstairs. Confucius Say... Better to lose a lover Than love a loser. Confucius Say... Man with broken condom Often called Daddy...
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go back to...
Last night I reached for my liquid Viagra and accidentally swigged from a bottle of Tippex. I woke this morning with a huge correction. The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers...
Stormy Daniels and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day. They both met with an angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven The angel said: "Unfortunately, there's only...
A couple were watching television and the husband kept flicking channels
Golf - Porn - Golf - Porn - Golf - Porn
The wife says, "Leave it on porn. You know how to play golf."...
Two mice meet and start chatting. “Look,” says one after a while, “I’ve got a new boyfriend!” and shows a picture on the mobile phone. “OMG,” cries the other mouse, “that’s a bat!”...
Father: “Son, you were adopted.” Son: “What?! I knew it! I want to meet my biological parents!” Father: “We are your biological parents. Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in 20...
All Bill asked for was a little good-night kiss, but Anne haughtily rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!" "Well," Bill replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last...
A blonde goes into the cleaners and drops off a top to be dry cleaned.
As she's leaving the assistant says, "Come again."
The blonde stops and says, "No, it's mustard this time."...