In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to an African jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel. After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies...
A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 notes. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the...
A husband walks into David Jones to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally,...
I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61 year old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter. We...
It had been snowing all night. So at .... 8:00 I made a snowman. 8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman. 8:15 So, I made a snow woman 8:17 My feminist neighbour...
Two Irishmen were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing "We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Murphy, "but we...
He was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog...
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We've been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor...
Two students were riding bicycles across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get the great bike?" The second replied, "Well, I was walking yesterday, minding my own business, when a...
A golfer teed up his ball on the first tee, took a mighty swing and hit his ball into a clump of trees. He found his ball and saw an opening between two trees he thought he could hit through. Taking...
A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack. ”Help me dear," she groans to her husband. The husband calls 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes,...
A recent study found that the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year, which means, on average, golfers get about 41...
A man visits his doctor for his regular check-up. The doctor is not too pleased with what he finds and asks the man to send his wife to see him. The wife goes to see the doctor who tells her that her...
She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground. She looked at it and...
The Met Police report finding a man's body in the River Thames. (The dead man's name will not be released, until his family has been notified.) The victim apparently drowned due to excessive marijuana...
The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks. "Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts. "Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a...
One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more. "Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left...
1. You get winded from knocking on the door. 2. You have to have a kid chew the toffee for you. 3. You ask for high fibre sweets only. 4. When someone drops a chocolate bar in your bag, you lose your...
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, " How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a...
A young doctor had moved to a small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds so that the community would become used to...