I would like to share an experience with you all about drinking and driving. As you well know some of us have been known to have had rare brushes with the authorities on our way home from one social...
A 60-year-old man is getting his annual physical: - Doc, do you think I'll live another 40 years so I can reach 100? - That depends," says the doctor. Do you smoke? - No - Do you drink? - No - Do you...
I thought my new girlfriend might be the one. But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurses outfit, a French maids outfit and a police woman's uniform, I finally decided that if...
I wouldn't say the room was small but when I talked to myself, one of us had to step outside to reply. I said to the wife, 'I wish you wouldn't smoke in bed.' She said, 'But a lot of women do.' I...
I wouldn’t say they were posh, but the toilet coughed before it flushed. I wouldn’t say my wife’s ugly, but the milkman flirts with me. When I was a child, I had wax in my ears. Dad didn’t take me to...
A Veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him. "Hey look,...
Why was the chicken under arrest? The police officer suspected fowl play. How did the chicken make sure it was awake on time? It used an alarm cluck. What's the best way to learn about chickens? Read...
A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the garden. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."...
Awful weather conditions today so just visited my 80 years old neighbour to ask if she needed anything from the shops. Turns out that she did, so I gave her my list too. No point in both of us going...
There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.'...
After 30 years together, in which we've always had pets, it appears my wife is allergic to animal fur. Therefore, she can't even be in the same room as our two old cats. I know this isn't a re-homing...
My wife has just phoned me to say that three girls in her office have received flowers and they are absolutely gorgeous. I said, "That is probably why."...
1. How do you turn a fox into an elephant? Marry it. 2. What's the difference between a battery and a woman? A battery has a positive side. 3. Why do women fake orgasms? Because they think men care....
