Paddy and Murphy, two council maintenance guys, were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the...
Eighth Place In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys. Seventh Place A...
Three dogs, a bulldog, a dachshund and a great dane, meet at the veterinarian. The dachshund turns to the bulldog and asks "So, what are you in for?" The bulldog replies "I was playing with a kid, and...
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up...
A Chinese bloke walks into the pub, stands next to me and starts drinking. I said to him, "Do you know any of these martial arts like kung-fu, jujitsu are karate?" He says, "Why u ask me dat? Is it...
IDIOT SIGHTING. My daughter and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 note. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her 25c. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I...
After my wife died, I couldn't even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I'm out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it ! Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for...
I was at a family party yesterday when my Mum started reminiscing about the Summer of '69. It could have been worse, she could have told everyone about her Autumn of anal....
A rich Arab walks in a bar and is about to order a drink when he sees a guy close by wearing a Jewish cap, a prayer shawl and traditional locks of hair. He doesn't have to be Einstein to know this guy...
At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours? In the word scent, is "S" silent or "C"? If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around? Why is there a 'D' in fridge, but not in...
Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador”. "Blow that" says Mick, “have you seen how many of their owners go blind?" 19 paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why so many of...
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired...
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can...
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie.
'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
So he tied her up and went golfing....
THIS IS A CONVERSATION BETWEEN A MAN AND HIS WIFE. PLEASE NOTE THAT SHE ASKS SEVEN QUESTIONS, WHICH HE ANSWERS QUITE SIMPLY. BUT THEN SHE IS SPEECHLESS AFTER ANSWERING ONLY ONE QUESTION FROM HIM I BET...
"It's a boy." I shouted with tears rolling down my face.
"I don't believe it. A boy."
It's at that moment I decided I'd never visit Thailand again................
Paddy gets a phone call from the police "Your house has been broken into and they've drank all your beer and shagged your wife."
Paddy says "I can't believe they shagged her after only four cans"...
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. You know, just the usual signs: The phone rings and when I answer, the caller hangs up. Plus, she goes out with the girls a...
A very tired nurse walks into a bank, totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a cheque, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she...
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye. CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and...