I woke up this morning at six O'clock with a wicked hang over,listening to the neighbour mowing his bloody lawn.My first reaction was to get up and give him a smack in the mouth.Then I thought sod it...
I was sat on a train the other day and sat opposite me was a very very sexy girl from Thailand. All I could think was thinking don't have an erection, please don't get an erection. But she did !.
A big Scotsman in a kilt says " Hey Mary put your hand up ma kilt ". So she does and pulls her hand down again saying "Oooo Jock it's gruesome" Jock says " I lassie, put it up...
Why do people think it's their right of way when joining a motorway ?.I drive a HGV so if I'm driving down a motorway and there is room, and it's safe for me to pull into the second lane to let you on...
The local radio station are running a competition today to win either a £100 shopping voucher or two tickets to see an Elvis tribute act. . . . . . .I don't know whether to press 1 for the money...
A bloke hears a knock on his front door and goes to see who's there. On his door step is a tortoise who says "can I have a drink of water please".The bloke says "cheeky little sod"...
A work mate of mine has told me that my transport manager "thinks" I've not earned an amount of money that I have worked overtime for, and intends to edit my time sheet before it goes to the...
A bloke says to his wife "I've bought some of those new Olympic condoms,Gold,Silver & bronze". "Which sort did you buy"said the wife?"He replied "for you darling...
I have a limited access cash ISA and a 1year fixed ISA.Can my wife have an ISA or are we limited to how many ISA's we can have per household?.
Thank you....
I went into town the other day and saw a sign in a cafe window.CHICKEN DINNERS 20p. so I went in. "is that right?" I said "chicken dinners 20p" "It sure is" the waitress...
A bloke says to his wife "my @rsehole is really burning and I've no idea what it is"."ring sting" his wife says.The bloke replies "how the feck will he know"?
The wife has a nickname for me.strawberry.
Apparently,it's because I'm nice and sweet.
I have a nickname for my wife.blueberry.It's
because she's the size of a hill....
