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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Stickybottle
A couple of my mates are having a joint party for Chinese New Year and Burns night. It's called Chinese Burns night I didn't want to go but they twisted my arm!...
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Rondy
A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption centre called and told them they had a wonderful Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without...
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Rondy
A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman. She looks the man up and down and says, "I've got news for you. You're going straight to hell!"...
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Rondy
A young man moved from his parents home into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox. While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to...
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Rondy
A husband looking through the paper came upon a study that said women use more words than men. It read, "Men use about 15,000 words per day, but women use 30,000." To prove to his wife that he had...
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Smowball
I just opened the curtains and I could have sworn I saw David Jason laying on the car. On closer inspection I saw that it was just a touch of frost…… : )...
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Rondy
Three young school boys are smoking behind the bike shed. The first lad says: "My Dad can blow smoke through his nose." The second lad says: "My Dad can blow smoke through his ears." Not to be outdone...
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Rondy
It's been reported that the English cricket board have appointed Novak Djokovic as the England national cricket team coach. The committee were aware that Djokovic has no experience of cricket, but...
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Rondy
Customer: "Do you have and cockroaches?£ Clerk: "Yes we sell them to the fishermen." Customer: "I would like 20,000 of them." Clerk: "What would you want with 20,000 cockroaches?" Customer: "I'm...
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Gramps82
The next time you say you hate life remember, its all about perspective. I have a friend who has sex 2 -3 times a day. Exercises twice a day and reads 2 books a week, and yet, he still complains how...
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Rondy
So my psychologist said, " As a young boy, did your mother ever discipline you?" ......I said, "Let's get one thing straight, my mother was never a young boy." ______________________ I saw this sign...
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Ken4155
Teacher to pupil; "How much is a gram?" Pupil; "Depends on what you want." Some guy called me a tool so i got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. I suppose he was right. Monica Lewinsky drops her...
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Ken4155
Why do you never find an elephant hiding in a tree? Because they're really, really good at it. Wife phones her mother; "He's being so unreasonable, i'm coming to stay with you for a while." Mother;...
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Ken4155
Policeman; "I'm sorry sir but it looks as if your wife has been hit by a bus." Man; "I'm aware of that but she does have a great personality." Dentist warns his patient; "I'm afraid this is going to...
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Rondy
The first-time dad was taking a turn at feeding the baby some mashed peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food all over the baby. His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband, who...
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McMouse
A married couple is lying in bed. The wife leans over and says, "I want you to say dirty things before we start". So the man starts to caress her neck and whispers to here. "Living room, Bathroom,...
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Rondy
A Woman Sends a Text to Her Husband “Honey, don't forget to buy BREAD when you come home from work and your girlfriend Valerie greets you.” Husband: "Who is Valerie?" Wife: "Nobody, I just wanted you...
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Rondy
It was the end of the day when I parked my police car in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog...
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Patsy33
A bloke rang me the other night, and said, "I'm the dandy highway man who you're too scared to mention, I spend my cash on looking flash and grabbing your attention!" I tried to tell him he had the...
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Rondy
My wife is threatening to leave me for never putting the toilet seat down. To be honest, I’m getting a little tired of carrying it around. ________________ I gave my friend an apple, and he told me he...

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