Good Morning Early Monday Morning Birds!
ChatterBank2 mins ago
Norm enter the bar in 'Cheers':
Woody: Can I pour you a daft Mr Peterson?
Norm: A little early isn't it Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No for asking stupid questions...
A man was driving down the motorway when he was overtaken by a three legged chicken. He was flabbergasted,so he accelerated and overtook the chicken. Despite doing over 70, the chicken passed him...
Little Johnny told his teacher he'd found a cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil. "Because I *** in its ear and it didn't...
A Cumbrian farmer's dog goes missing and he is inconsolable. His wife says to him, "why don't you put an ad in the paper to get him back". The farmer does this, but after two weeks, no phone calls,...
Ive ordered a rapid test kit from the NHS, they have sent me an England V Australia ashes DVD
An old lady buys a pair of parrots, but cannot identify their sexes. She spends weeks staring at the cage and, eventually, catches them doing what comes naturally. To make sure she doesn't get them...
I got fired from the candle factory because I refused to work wick ends!
A company, feeling it is time for a shakeup, hires a new Chairman. This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers. On a tour of the facilities, the Chairman notices a guy leaning on a...
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I bought my friend an elephant for his room. He said “Thanks!” I said “Don’t mention it.”...
A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened. "I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of...
My grandad saw the Titanic and told me that he kept telling people it would sink if it hits an iceberg but no one wanted to listen to him. He was a brave man and he wouldn't give up and he kept...
1. When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. 2. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it. 3. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. 4. It's...
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I was browsing at the shoes, on display at my local shoe shop, when this guy strolls in and said to the sales assistant "do you have any horse shoes". The sales assistant turned to him and replied :...
Walks up to a pub bar and asks “is this stool taken?”...
> Enter new password
~ Chicken
> Password must include a capital
~ Chickenkiev...
Because they have little anty-bodies.
A guy walks up and sees a jar of money in a bar. The Barman says you need to do 3 things to get all the money. 1. He points over to a big guy, 6'9" 280 lbs. You have to walk up to him and knock him...
I once took a stuffed dog to the Antiques Roadshow.
The chap said, "This is very rare, do you know what it would fetch if it was in good condition?"
I replied "Dunno, a few sticks i suppose?"...
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