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I saw Sir Elton John in the supermarket looking at the various salad dressings. I suggested that the honey and mustard, go's well with a bit of ice burg lettuce. He said "actually, I'm more of a...
When a tree falls in the Amazon rain forest and no one is around to hear it....
.... Those illegal loggers are still getting away with it...
Did you hear about the man who bought a dog with no legs? He called it cigarette. He used to take it out for a drag. ________________ Did you know that the Irish recently built their own submarine?...
A man walks into a bar and asks: "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "Sorry sir," the barman says, "what's that?" "I've no idea," replies the man, "but I went to see my doctor last week and he told...
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Guy had a lifelong fear of going to bed because of somebody being underneath. Psychiatrist advised that counseling three times a week for a year would cure him (£80/session). Psychiatrist didn't see...
A thief got married to a thief. They decided to give up their old ways and begin a family. Fifteen months after getting married, they were expecting a son. At the hospital their son was born and his...
A friend told me that their small business, selling fruit and vegetables, had gone into liquidation. I said "that's sad news, I'm sorry to hear that" "No don't be" She said, "we are doing great now...
Among my on-line shopping order, I decided to by some tea lights for Halloween decoration, only to find that some bright spark at the warehouse depot, substituted me with decaffeinated tea bags.
My local chip shop is so popular, that folk will line up outside. go'ing halfway round the block to buy their favourite takeaways, on a Friday. Hats off to those guys that work there, they are real...
Jim was startled to see the nonchalant way John was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with another man. "You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn't knock the...
I couldn't get my Halloween candles to light, so I took them straight back to B&Q, where I got them from.
The guy from customer services said "have you tried Wicks"...
One of the symptoms of Covid is a loss of the sense of smell.
At least you won't be able to smell the sewage
We are a #TurdWorldCountry...
Blonde Sharon: "Would you please help me I bought a 10 pound turkey. Could you tell me how long to cook it in my new microwave?" “Just a minute,” the food editor said, as he turned to check his...
After a bracing stroll along the beach, sat down by the burger stand to get some breakfast.
I was shocked when a bird swooped down and stole my sausage.
It was a tern for the wurst!...
1. What does a football do when it stops rolling?
It looks round!
2. Where does a sheep go to be educated?
To eweniversity!...
how can i add my jokes here ?...
Victor and Juliet Echo came up with the NATO phonetic alphabet one November while dancing the foxtrot and tango at a golf hotel in India after a few whiskeys and a kilo of charlie.
When we were dating, my girlfriend would make love to me on my water bed like a sex-starved wild beast who would go on and on. So we called my bed our "Ocean Of Motion Love Potion". Now that we are...
I was shaking a bottle of tomato ketchup tonight when the top flew off and a large dollop hit me in the eye. I really should have checked the top - but of course it's easy to say that with heinzsight....
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