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A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the...
I was sitting next to an elderly ecclesiastical gentleman on a plane recently who was doing a crossword, after a long pause in his labour he turned to me and said, "Can you think of a four letter word...
An old country farmer with serious financial problems bought a mule from another old farmer for £100, who agreed to deliver the mule the next day. However, the next day he drove up and said, "Sorry,...
Did you know that if you were to tear a hole in a fishing net it would have less holes. (;¬)...
I was sitting next to an elderly ecclesiastical gentleman on a plane recently who was doing a crossword, after a long pause in his labour he turned to me and said, "Can you think of a four letter word...
My MiL stayed to dinner with us yesterday and asked why the dog kept staring at her. I told her it was probably because she was using his plate..
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed...
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing £1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the...
I saw Sir Elton John in the supermarket looking at the various salad dressings. I suggested that the honey and mustard, go's well with a bit of ice burg lettuce. He said "actually, I'm more of a...
When a tree falls in the Amazon rain forest and no one is around to hear it....
.... Those illegal loggers are still getting away with it...
Did you hear about the man who bought a dog with no legs? He called it cigarette. He used to take it out for a drag. ________________ Did you know that the Irish recently built their own submarine?...
A man walks into a bar and asks: "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "Sorry sir," the barman says, "what's that?" "I've no idea," replies the man, "but I went to see my doctor last week and he told...
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Guy had a lifelong fear of going to bed because of somebody being underneath. Psychiatrist advised that counseling three times a week for a year would cure him (£80/session). Psychiatrist didn't see...
A thief got married to a thief. They decided to give up their old ways and begin a family. Fifteen months after getting married, they were expecting a son. At the hospital their son was born and his...
A friend told me that their small business, selling fruit and vegetables, had gone into liquidation. I said "that's sad news, I'm sorry to hear that" "No don't be" She said, "we are doing great now...
Among my on-line shopping order, I decided to by some tea lights for Halloween decoration, only to find that some bright spark at the warehouse depot, substituted me with decaffeinated tea bags.
My local chip shop is so popular, that folk will line up outside. go'ing halfway round the block to buy their favourite takeaways, on a Friday. Hats off to those guys that work there, they are real...
Jim was startled to see the nonchalant way John was taking the fact that his lady love was seen with another man. "You said you love her and yet you saw her with another man and you didn't knock the...
I couldn't get my Halloween candles to light, so I took them straight back to B&Q, where I got them from.
The guy from customer services said "have you tried Wicks"...
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