Religion & Spirituality2 mins ago
Underwent neck surgery last year. I haven't looked back since. ___ People who say, "you know what I mean" a lot, are relying far too heavily on my mind reading skills. ___ My wife tells me I can be an...
.. Echidnas don't enjoy bathing.
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.. to India
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When God created Adam and Eve, He said to them: I have two gifts to give you - one is to pee standing up and... Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming: M E..! M E..! I want it, please Lord......
The man who invented the automatic tennis ball serving machine is celebrating his birthday. Many happy returns!
They're making a new reality TV show following a family of sausage dogs driving a taxi. Its called, "Keeping Up With The Car Dachshunds." ___ Went on a cycling date and rode all the way with the front...
At the Fairy Liquid visitor centre, I watch a man turning people way. 'Why are you turning people away?' I asked. He replied....... 'I'm the Deter Gent'! ___ I want to build a career as an artist life...
My boss asked me why I only get sick on weekdays.
I said it was because of my weakened immune system....
The Pope was having a shower. Although he's very strict about celibacy, he occasionally felt he needed to exercise the papal wrist, and this happened to be one of those occasions. Just as he reached...
Wife: I've got blisters from the broom.
Husband: Take the car next time....
A man goes to his doctor and tells him that his wife hasn't had sex with him for 6 months: The doctor tells the man to bring his wife in so he can talk to her. So the wife comes into the doctors...
1. I started dating a zookeeper, but it turned out he was a cheetah - Lorna Rose Treen 2. The most British thing I've ever heard? A lady who said 'Well I'm sorry, but I don't apologise.' - Liz...
I've just sorted out the cleaning rota at the zoo. The lion sweeps tonight. ___ I’ve stained an incisor chewing on a Biro. So I went to a phone shop to get it sorted. Turns out though, they can’t fix...
It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on. All of a...
I was walking down the road this morning and first got hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a piano.
I think it was an orchestrated attack....
If fruit could talk, what would be the hardest to make friends with?
I personally think the pineapple would be a pretty prickly guy...
A little girl complained to her father, "Daddy, I wish I had a little sister!" Trying to be funny, her father joked, "But honey, you already have a sister!" Confused, the toddler asked, "I do?"...
My wife sent me to the supermarket. She said “Get two cartons of milk. If they’ve got carrots, get four.” I came back with four cartons of milk. She asked “Why did you get four cartons of milk?” I...
If you can't stop yourself making maritime puns all day long, sea kelp. ___ I’ve been hanging out at the gym a lot lately. The staff told me I need to get some bigger shorts. ___ Some advice.............
David took his girlfriend Sarah to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the...