ChatterBank2 mins ago
I treated my wife to a Spa day, its quite surprising just how many groceries you can get in one trolley
I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips. She told me to get lost and slammed the phone down.
I reckon she still regrets letting me name the twins......
During work Mike and Pat are chatting, Mike: "I've been taking night courses for five months now, and I have an exam next week." Pat "Oh!" Mike: "For example, do you know who Graham Bell is?" Pat:...
A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next...
I have a tremendous sex drive – my girlfriend lives 40 miles away....
A retired old couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman promised to hold a car for them. But they found the car was just sold to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt & a...
I took my new girlfriend for a walk the other evening and we passed a farm. We saw a dog mating. My girlfriend asked: "When does the male dog know when the female is ready for sex?" "By it's smell," I...
The owner of an underwear making company was having a tough time with shortage in his factory. On departure for home, all worker's bags were searched and everything always seemed to be ok. All...
Fathers day last year I asked my Wife if she’d got a nice card for the man of her dreams and father to her kids.
She replied: “I’m not buying 2 cards.”...
A woodworm crawls into a pub and asks: "is the bar-tender here"...
I had a tree I wanted removed because it was too close to the house. I called a tree guy. He came out and did a nice job cutting down the tree. He asked me what I thought. I said, "It's nice, but what...
What a day!! I replaced the glass in the living room window three times! Then noticed it was my glasses that were cracked!! ___ A man walks into a chemist’s and says, ‘Can I have a bar of soap,...
I feel sorry for the staff in Greggs in this weather… They must be baking in there! ___ Is your glass half full or half empty? Depends on whose round it is. ____ Traffic cop to motorist, “It says on...
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home." Trying to placate her, the...
A slice of apple pie is £2.50 in Jamaica and £3.00 in the Bahamas. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean....
DEAR Milkman...NOTES! Actual notes left for the milkman. "Dear Milkman. I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Please don't leave any more...
A cowboy walks into a bar and orders a whisky. When the bartender delivers the drink, the cowboy asks, "Where is everybody?" The bartender replies, "They've gone to the hanging." "Hanging? Who are...
A woman went on holiday, leaving her husband behind. Before she left, she told him to take extra special care of her cat. The next day she called her husband and asked if the cat was all right. Her...
Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at...
Went to the local Asda supermarket. The sign says 50% off selected items. So I picked up a £1000 tv. The cashier said: "That’s £1000 please." "I said: " NO it’s £500." Cashier said: " The 50% off is...
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