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Jokes

Looking for a laugh? There are plenty of funny jokes being told on The AnswerBank, so sit back, relax and have a read.

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Rondy
Students in an advanced biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk', worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was...
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William51
What did you think about the restaurant on the moon?. I am afraid it had no atmosphere!. - Doctor, Doctor. Will this ointment get rid of spots?. I never make rash promises!....
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Hopkirk
What do you call birds that stick together? Velcrows....
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Rondy
Horses are amazing creatures, and so versatile. Consider the horse-drawn carriage. I didn’t know a horse could hold a pencil. ___ The neighbours stunk out the whole street by burning a variety of...
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Rondy
A man is at work when he receives a text. "Hi, this John your neighbour. I have to confess I've been using your wife every day for the last two weeks! I'm not getting any at home and I thought you...
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Hopkirk
I shouldn't brag, but I made six figures last month. I do love my Lego....
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William51
From the Daily Mail. What did they do when the phone company went bust?, they called in the receiver!....
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Rondy
We had one of those family reminiscences today. I mentioned that my grandfather was born in 1880, the year the Forth Bridge was started, and my grandmother was born in 1890, the year it was opened. My...
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maggiebee
It's all about the stats today folks........ 1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed 2. All polar bears are left-handed 3. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by...
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Hopkirk
I turned down the caretaker who wanted to smoke weed with me. I can't deal with high maintenance people....
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Chipchopper
A man, tired of the drudgery of city life, decides to take a break and take things at a slower pace at his uncle's farmstead for a week. On the first morning, the man was given a hearty breakfast, but...
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Hopkirk
Why should you never mess with an Italian pastry chef? Because he'll beat the foccacia....
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Rondy
Two men were playing a round of golf when they got held up by two women playing the fifth hole. One said to the other, "Go and ask if we can play through." So off he went, got about ten yards from the...
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Hopkirk
Did you hear about the guy who took a second job as a pizza chef? He kneaded the dough...
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Rondy
I had a strange dream last night! I met a girl in a pub, and found out she was a mermaid! She was really beautiful. Long blonde hair, a lovely face and her vital statistics were 36-24-£2.50 a Kilo!...
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piggynose
Cow pictures are free But the Bull charges!...
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Chipchopper
Selling second hand radios down at the market, I just didn't like his tone
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maggiebee
Paddy is at the airport carrying a sack on each shoulder when he is stopped at customs. They search each sack and find loads of mobile phones in them. They ask Paddy "why do you have such a lot of...
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Hopkirk
I got a job at a helium balloon factory. Lasted two hours. No one's talking to me like that....
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Rondy
My local launderette has started up an internet service wash. They wash your clothes for you and then dry them online. ___ Took my Spanish friend for a picnic. She said "Gracias". I said "Sorry I...

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