Quizzes & Puzzles177 mins ago
I've lost some weight by wearing some bread on my head.
It's a new loaf hat diet....
,,Kangaroos shouldn't purchase beer.
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Remember these times? You come home later than you were supposed to! Dad is waiting in the hall as you creep in! "Do you know what time it is?" "Why is your watch broken?" "Do you know who I am?" (Now...
...sending this message from A&E.
The Dyson Ball Cleaner is not what I thought it was....
I'm on a music diet, I've stopped listening to Bread, Jam, Meatloaf, Hot Chocolate, and Cream. ___ I'd heard that a famous cook had been inspired to publish her first recipe book upon hearing the...
I was hoping to get a part in ‘Mathematics: The Musical’, but I failed the additions. ___ Couldn't believe it when my son came home today with a settee and two armchairs. I have told him time and time...
A sea captain is holding a class at a local dock where several young men and women are learning how to be sailors. "All right, class," the captain states. "Now, if you were out at sea and suddenly a...
What do you get when you mix alcohol and literature?
Tequila mockingbird...
Liverpool Echo: Twenty-three-year-old Dennis Sullivan was attempting to rob what he thought was an armoured car in Merseyside. In reality, it was a laundry truck delivering towels and mops to a local...
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is starting to improve.
Question: Where do you go to weigh a pie ?.
Answer: Somewhere over the rainbow....
I bought a boat because it was for sail
The machine at the American coin factory just suddenly stopped working, with no explanation.
It doesn’t make any cents....
I phoned the wife on the way home from work and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips but she just grunted. I think that she still regrets letting me name the twins.
I like European food so I decided to Russia over there because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could...
The zoo keeper said to Paddy "the female gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with her for £500" Paddy said " I'll do it but there are 3 conditions. Firstly I won't kiss her and secondly...
I put my landing light on The a plane crashed into my house. ___ Before marriage I would sit at a red traffic light for hours, because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green! ___ I...
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank....
My mate was taken into hospital last week with "premature ejaculation syndrome". I phoned the hospital last night to see how he was and the nurse told me there was slight improvement but it was still...
Whenever there's an eclipse, my dad starts shaking and twitching. Lunar-tick!
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