Society & Culture1 min ago
I was in the shop and picked up a can of fly spray.
I asked the assistant "Is this any good for wasps?
"No" he said.
"It kills them"...
The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?" Suzy raised her hand and said, "I...
Mad Lisa was speeding around the mental hospital as usual in her wheelchair. Mad Joe stopped her and asked her for her driving licence. "***", she said, and sped off around another corner. Mad Jim...
My son said, "can I have a book mark ?"
I just couldn't hold back my emotions, the kid's 10 years old, and you would think that he would know my name is Ron by now...
My neighbour's house is just like ours, but he says his heating bills are much lower. He said he can come and give me some advice on how to reduce the costs. I said "Come round any time. My door is...
I thought PPI was just something you got at the swimming baths if you didn't wear goggles.
Apparently Mcdonalds have launched a new fish burger, it's called the Mckerel
I was in a lingerie shop. I said to the assistant "Are these panties satin?"
She said "No, they're new."...
Grandad asked me how to print on his computer.
I said control P.
He said I haven't been able to do that for years....
..between Royalty and Royalties.
https:/
I bought a really nice twelve year old Scotch.
Obviously his parents weren't best pleased....
I'm old enough to remember when air was free at the petrol station, now you have to pay dearly for it!
O'h well, I guess that's inflation for you....
SPORTS COMMENTATOR SLIP-UPS (Some old but still funny) 1. "Sure, there have been deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." (Alan Minter) 2. "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch...
I've got the memory of an elephant.
I remember one time I went to the zoo, I saw an elephant....
A hyena strolls up to the check in counter of the airport, and throws the rotting remains of a wildebeest onto the counter. The airport official shouts, "what the hell is this ?" and the hyena...
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure...
My star sign is Pyrex. I was a test-tube baby.
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me....
Lifts terrify me.
I'm taking steps to avoid them....
I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on. _________ The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?" "Voluntary?" I said. "I...
